I am so sorry you are in this pain. I try to pay forward the help I received by giving the view from the other side. It's painful to hear b/c this woman you love and M seems gone, yet you want to try to reason with her as if she is still that same person. She was in her own pain, too. Her pain grew over time. We don't know how long. Now she's made things very complicated and you are experiencing all your pain and agony at once. She turned to OM for comfort, direction, or something else. You have now turned to her for some direction. She can't give you direction. She can't give you what she doesn't have.

In spite of how it must look, I doubt her intent was to see how she could hurt you in the very worst way. When she didn't want to answer your question about working on the M, it is b/c of a few reasons:

* She is waiting to see what OM is going to do
* She is making preparations for her departure at a later date
* She is confused and hesitant to step out on her own
* She is thinking about staying longer, but can't see it getting better
* She intends to be available to OM
* She could give the answer you wanted to hear, so she avoided it

Another cold fact is your W is probably not capable of contributing much working effort on the MR yet. Her interest and energy for the M is dead. She may be the kind who could put on a good front and fake it, but it will take a lot of time before it will be from her heart. I was so depressed and full of so much bitterness that it took a long time to just get to the level of being willing to put forth some effort.

Being a former WAW, it seems to me that it is the belief of the LBH that since he's discovered the A and confronted the guilty......it should take care of things and she should be able to make a snap decision and throw 100% effort in the healing the M. Truth is....If it happens at all, it's a very slim chance she is going to throw herself back into the MR.

You guys need to realize it took time for her to get to the place she's in now. Just b/c you confronted her about the A! It did nothing to snap her feelings from OM back to you. which is another reason you saw no remorse. I read very few stories where there were no expectations from an confrontation. The desired "response" seldom happens the way the LBH is seeking.

Now the OM may try to keep his word to you, but I think they will find a way to stay in contact. He is afflicted too. If he is not worried he'll be exposed to his W, he'll take the risk.

I think you will have to tell them you will not be put in a position of living a lie. That may be all that's necessary to say, IDK.

Starsky would be able to give more precise information alone these lines. Personally, I think this should be kept between the four of you....if possible. But Starsky can help much more than I can with how to word things, etc.

It is not my intentions to put more pressure on you. I'm just trying to inform you. The rest is up to you. But please talk to Starsky before doing any type of exposure. It doesn't hurt to just listen to it.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!