Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

So, W and I chatted by phone today. The last time was three weeks ago. Even with the DB insights, it still can be confusing.

W started off with small talk asking how I had been. We talked back and forth for a few minutes with updates on both sides.

Then she affirmed she is done and wanted us to discuss how best to tell our close friends that we are separated. She says she has no hard feelings and doesn't want them to ostracize me. She feels sad about the whole thing but thinks it is best we move on. She wants to tell them that we tried but it just didn't work. For the most, I tried to validate her and thanked her for letting me know that she would be telling them. She wants this to be as amicable as possible and actually said it is good that we can still have pleasant conversations.

She then surprised me with a bit of news about a close friend of hers. She has also separated but apparently posted the news on FB which W disagreed with and clarified she would not do that.

Then she wanted to find out if we could ever establish regular communication as we continued with our separate lives. And she asked me what I thought of that. She clarified 'just as friends' and that she still needs a few weeks of space before that would happen.

I said, it would be best if we took if one conversation at a time rather than committing to any long term friendship plan.

She said she agreed but said she wants a few weeks of NC. I didn't ask her if there was someone else. My instinct is that there is.

For the first time in a long time, she asked how my side of the family is doing.

We talked a bit about finances and then the next strange part of the conversation. She asked what my plans were: would I stay in this city or move on?

And if I stayed, I should consider staying in our place as the cost would be the same if not cheaper if I rented my own place. What makes this awkward is that our home is in her name. But she wants to leave the decision to stay or go up to me. On a practical level, she won't have to worry about finding a renter. She said she has no plans of coming back here anytime soon. Then said she might come back briefly if I decided to move out to pack things up and rent it out.

What is confusing is if she is done, it doesn't make sense for me to stay there. I was very tempted to ask her how she would feel if I did move on to someone else and brought them back to our place.

I asked her to give me a few days to think about it.

Then she asked me what I though about us being done and telling everyone. I told her I didn't feel the way she did about it all but understood where she is coming from and wouldn't try to reason her out of it. She didn't say anything.

Her phrasing was all around 'separation' though she seemed to be implying divorce but didn't mention it explicitly.

There was a tentative akwardness. For the most part it was relatively 'pleasant'. This could be both good and bad. For now feeling a bit overwhelmed and confused. She actually asked questions about my life. This has not happened in a long time.