Funeral for a husband, love lies bleeding

[cczamo]

Not much going on since my last post here. I've had an interested "suitor" from my divorcecare class ask me out several times. I've turned him down, as I'm not divorced just yet. D will happen next month, but I'm still not ready to get emotionally involved with anyone. I'm still praying for my H to get through his MLC and want to restore M and R within a year or 2. Crazy isnt it? What are the odds: no joint kids, I rarely see H, perhaps 1 or 2 x per week for 1 minute or so when he picks up or drops off his dogs. I have coded access gate and doggie doors to inside of house so its not necessary for me to see him when he drops them off. I make it a point intentionally to NOT see him every time.

In baby steps, I am getting better, however last week email H sent to L requesting expedited D really got me down. That day after work, I got in bed early and cried a few hours while listening to music. I really haven't had good cry since the bomb drop. That was something about me that bothered H, that I was an ice queen and unfeeling. I'm a CPA, not really the emotional, weepy type. I do feel, but am not demonstrative. I was starting to think I needed to get a sad chick flick to make myself have a good cry, but it naturally happened. Had puffy eyes the next day.
I have so much to be thankful for, so I try to remember that fact. New resolution: I'm going to try to think of one thing I'm thankful for each day before getting out of bed in morning.