Help please

[Maybell]

Claire, thanks for the suggestions. You didn't come across as a know-it-all... it's just that I've been struggling with this for so long and have asked so many people for help and I seem unable to explain the problem very well.

She does extremely well in school. NOBODY outside our family believes that she could be anything other than the sweetest kid in the universe. All her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins HAVE seen this behavior and their suggestions have been very unhelpful and judgmental. It is tremendously frustrating.

I have to give her credit... throughout most of this crisis she has been sweet, helpful, nurturing, and taken on more responsibility than she ought to (we have discussed this as well -- I've assured her I'm the parent, she can just be a kid, I will still take care of her and her brothers, etc.) So she was kind of due a temper tantrum. Nobody can keep it together like that. But with me she seems to feel free to turn into a raging beast when she needs to. It would be easier to take if she didn't know EXACTLY how to hit me where there is no armor.

It might be worth mentioning that this has been an issue for H as well. His sister and his mom NEVER argued -- never. Both have confirmed that with me. So he seems to think that D11 and I are "oil and water" which is not remotely true. She & I are pretty close most of the time.

(BTW, she came to me before bed this evening and asked... "If I had done X, would I not have lost my iPad?" I confirmed that was the case, and she said, "OK. I guess I should have." -- so I guess working on self-control is now on her radar.)

Anyway... this is a marriage forum, not a parenting forum, so thanks for responding with helpful points. You didn't sound pretentious at all. I don't want you to think I resented your input -- I welcome advice. I'm probably the tough nut in this case, since I've been working on the problem with her for so long and I've felt so unsupported. My boys are so easy compared (and the middle guy is ADD)...