I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope I don't come across as self-righteous, because I'm certainly not an expert... but I have been working (as a teacher) with this age group for over 10 years. And I've struggled with the same thing in my classroom. Lately, I've been using the mantra "If they could, they would" when thinking about kids who have trouble academically AND socially.
Originally Posted By: Maybell
I send her to her room and she just keeps coming out to scream at me and kick stuff. This is what she's been like since she was 2.
Quote:
I understood EXACTLY what was up with her -- she was overtired from a sleep over. It wasn't a cry for help or anything else.
Quote:
She just has a tremendously difficult temperament. She's super smart and knows how to get people where it hurts. She has already apologized and returned to her sweet self and acknowledged that she was just taking out her tiredness on me. But if I let her just walk all over me all the time it just makes things worse. She seems to think she's being ignored if she acts up and nobody responds to her.
Of course, I don't know you or your D, but it sounds a little bit like she doesn't have great control over her emotions. If she could control herself, she probably would. (She is sweet-natured!) The problem with consequences is that they don't actually teach her how to control her emotions.
She is old enough to discuss this with her. Maybe something like: "I've noticed that when you get upset, you {insert what you observe, without judgement}". Offer validation for her feelings. Tell her you want to help her find some better, healthier ways to calm herself down so that she doesn't hurt herself or anyone else." (Maybe here is where you can add how it hurts your feelings when she screams, or that it feels unsafe when she kicks things?)
Then, teach her some strategies for calming herself down. "The next time you feel that way, you can try... (taking deep breaths, punching a pillow, etc. etc." Then, show her what you mean, practice it (together!) when you are both calm. And don't be surprised if she doesn't change overnight. But the next time she is out of control, you can (calmly) remind her. And, if you try ignoring her (I do that all the time with my pre-schooler!), make sure you tell her why, calmly. "I am going to leave the room and wait out here because I don't like how you are screaming at me... But when you are more calm, we can talk about it."
I hope this helps. (and again, I'm really sorry if this comes across as pretentious or know-it-all-y. This is a topic very close to my heart). Hang in there.
