Line in the sand

[mustardseed]

For example we might have a bill coming up that is too steep for one pay period, so I will bring up a possible solution of setting aside a certain amount of money so we will have enough when the time comes. He will say, "Ok, that sounds good" but then he won't follow through and continues to spend everything and when the bill comes there is no money to pay it and he gets pissed off when I ask him for the money. I even suggested him giving money to me to hold so I could save it for him, and again, he is all on board, but then when I ask him for the money he will say, "let's hold off on that for now". And again when it comes time to pay the bill he gets mad that I ask him for his share.

By hold him accountable I mean rather than my old way of just finding alternatives to fixing those problems without stressing him out, I actually will remind him that we had an agreement in place, but when he didn't keep up his end of it the result was now we are in a super stressful situation trying to come up with a huge chunk rather than having a little bit set aside all along. After 14 years I finally got up the nerve to point out to him that carelessness has gotten us into the financial mess we are in, not lack of income. I didn't blame it all on him and took responsibility for my contribution to the situation, but I finally said the things that needed to be said. His reaction was silence, some tearing up, and then disappearing and spending more money. He keeps renting cars so he can just pick up and go as he pleases, meanwhile he won't use that money to fix the car that we are still paying insurance on. The first time he did it I didn't say anything, but this time I called him out on it. I know it isn't proper DBing but at that point I kind of just want it all to end and I kept quiet long enough because I always figured, so what he is worth it. If his financial habits keep us poor so be it. But he isn't worth it any more, and I can't hold it in anymore. He is bailing on me and hasn't given me any clear cut reason as to why except, "we aren't compatible". It took you 14 years to learn we aren't compatible? My problems with the marriage were always money related and the fact that he never wanted us to hang out together with other couples, and had hissy fits when our family was invited to an outing with another family--always found a way to get out of it. Looking back I guess that was his way of telling me he didn't want to spend time with me.

I was a fool because I always believed his words and ignored his actions. Now I am questioning if he ever actually told me the truth about anything.