D11 is in a post-sleepover fit. Ugly behavior got her iPad mini (H's purchase pre-separation) taken away, and then the iPod. Then she was told I wouldn't be buying an app she had asked for (she was going to pay for it, I just was going to input the password). She said she would just ask Daddy to do it. I said I'd let him know that her behavior meant she couldn't have it. She said, "So? He never listens to you anyway."
Ouch.
This is a temporary state of things. By bedtime she will be fine. The parenting struggle is one I've had with her since she was 4 (since the time of the move that started all our problems), it's something I've been seeking help for since then and have only in the last two years or so found some solutions for. The trouble is, to a certain extent, she is right. He & I have a fundamental difference in our approach to parenting that has been a source of conflict for many years now. I'm stricter and more consistent; he'd rather just make the kids happy and keep the peace in the house because he's extremely conflict avoidant. Since I'm the primary caregiver by a long way, it has only been a sporadic source of trouble.
I'm trying to tell myself that I'm not going to let an overtired, hormonal eleven year old girl get between me & H... but the fact is, it hurt so much because there's some truth to it, and because I don't like the implication that has for HER future relationships with boys & men. That makes me even angrier with him (on Father's Day! Not that that matters because it's the middle of the night where he is).
I know, I don't have to trouble myself with deciding whether or not to stay married to him at this time. Divorce won't change our co-parenting relationship and will certainly make it more challenging. But the underlying conflict makes me so angry with him. It makes me want to just deny him EVERYTHING. He never even gave our difficulties a proper chance to be resolved. If he can't think of a solution off the top of his head then there is no solution, as far as he's concerned.
(she just came in and spoke nicely to me and gave me a hug and a kiss...)
One day after insisting I was fine and happy and in a good place I'm sitting here crying again. I'm so angry with him. He has never been a help to me in solving parenting problems and in fact sometimes has made them worse. Now my own daughter thinks he's doesn't respect me, and I'm sure that scares her some.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
