FINALLY SURFACING

[Fartiltre]

Two short meet ups with W yesterday.
I took S11 and D7 to Legoland yesterday. They had a special Star Wars day. W agreed that D7 could go months ago, but I am almost certain that picking D up, doing something great and then dropping them off at Ws place afterwards will be a future no-go for me. It gives a nice experience but the possibility to share it is lost and two times changing place in one day is not good right now.
I will keep this in mind for the future when possibilities come up.

Pick up was rather quick and only one little incident. W started talking about the competition yesterday. D7s school had a for-fun-competition against another school. I didn’t attend.
W: “It was so much fun, but unfortunately they lost”
Me: short comment I can’t remember about her statement and then: “……I look forward to D7 filling me in on all of it in the car”
W: “Ooooh, then I am very sorry” (Eye rolling and upset)
Me: “No need to be – all is fine” (Calm voice)
Case was that I didn’t want W to tell D7s story and certainly not with D7 standing beside me. W once again felt I didn’t give her the attention she wanted and then she got mad, sad, sarcastic or whatever – me mindreading.
W reached out for a hug when we arrived. I remember feeling that her hand rubbing my side up and down.

We had an awesome day at Legoland. Everything was just plain great!

When setting D7 off there, were children visiting. Same children as were at my place last weekend when W dropped off here. D7 went off and played. W offered coffee, but I didn’t feel like any. We talked shortly about the day and D7 showed driver’s license, a gold coin, a Legowatch and told W about the items.
D5 was all over me again. “I love you”, “I miss you”, “Come and see this, dad”, hugs – just all of it.
Then W put nail polish on D5 and friends D3 asked if I would help her do the same, so we sat there in the sun, the four of us, doing that. I never did this before BD but now I do it – still rather poorly
Afterwards S11 and I left. We stayed for 20 min. or so.
I stayed out of hugging this time by placing myself so I wouldn’t happen. I felt her wanting to.

Great evening with S11 but the feeling that we never got closure on a great day with D7 didn’t leave me.


Sandi,
First of all – thanks for the kind words! It means a lot to me. Also know for certain that I wouldn’t feel this way if not for you! I owe you a world of gratitude!
I will keep on exploring me and comments like the one you posted motivates me to strive harder - thanks

Prior to BD I didn’t put anything on hold. I took my stand immediately and it was hard to change afterwards because of stubbornness. So this is new behavior and it is sinking in. I feel good about it! I don’t make as many wrong or rash decisions and more of my decision is based on thoughts instead of feelings. I actually often change my first thought several times before coming to a final decision.
I have only discussed it shortly with T but it will be one of the issues next time I see her (two weeks time). T has so far told me (based on examples) that what I do is the only reasonable thing to do. New situations and new decisions crave a little longer time than daily ones, and at the same time there are a lot of feelings involved in this.
I do understand Ws frustration and the “You are putting me on hold” but IMHO that’s nothing compared to making the wrong decision or a completely feeling based decision. At some point, more of this will get under my skin and decisions will come faster, but for now I like this way.

I do not recall the exact incident, but normally when I am talking to somebody and my children interrupts I tell children to wait – that goes for W and anybody else, but it also goes the other way around. The incidents I recall over the past 3-4 months and in general (with W getting upset because my attention is not on her) I have been busy with the kids and W has been interrupting.
Yes, it seems to rub her the wrong way – just as it did today when I told her that D7 would tell me in the car. And to be honest I do not see either sense or reasonability in this. What I do see is feeling based action and communication, but I do not understand the feelings or what tricks this in her.