I have two love letters my H wrote six months ago. It hurts like hell.
Feel what you feel. Cry when you need to cry. Own all your emotions. It will give you relief. And don't worry what you look like when you cry. It's not like we're crying soft little Hollywood tears. Gasping sobs and snot running down your chin wouldn't be a good look on a movie stars either. We've all been there.
I reminded my H a few months ago (before I found DR) about the letters. He shrugged and said he couldn't remember feeling that way about me. So it would hurt your DB efforts AND cement her determination against you. Don't hurt yourself that way.
You really, really need to start working on detaching and building a life of your own. It doesn't have to mean giving up on her. It just means you're giving yourself the space to gain some perspective and the ability to make good rational decisions for yourself rather than constantly reacting to stimuli. This will be hard at first, but it gets easier. Do it for your +2 first and eventually you'll be doing it for yourself.
I'm sorry you're here. I hope this community gives you some of the comfort it's given me.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
