Sandi2, first and for most...a BIG Thank You! The things you said are absolutely right on. Honestly, each and every statement you made I have thought about before I even posted on the forum. With the research I have made gave truly, gave me these insight. Now, you come along and justified a path that I must take for the best chance of saving my marriage and/or myself to be a better person for the future. Do again , many many thanks.
Friendship amongst us four is damaged, you're right. What's been going on is that I am left out of the circle, but hold the evidence to break it all up. Om and my w of course wants to keep the harmony and friendship with OM wife. And I am afraid that exposing it to her will also ruin my chance of DB.
So my plan now is to better myself and gain the desirable attraction back for myself (like Starsky says...make my own cake and hope she will be the frosting if she chooses).
My problem is, I keep slipping back to being the good guy and pleasing her. What happened in our marriage that I see that brought us to this situation is... I focused my strength on our business thinking this was what would please her. I turned a struggling business into a successful one. Thus bringing us to a more secure aspect in life financially. During this process, I know now that the romance part was not ignited to the fullest as it should of always been. But hey, I explained to her that infidelity is something I can never deal with and here I am dealing with it. Time and patience is what I picked up from wise DB ers and am practicing this now. You see, I'm a fix it kind if guy. Tried fixing M and wanting her to engage right away was what I was chasing in the beginning. By doing this I realized it did push her away because she's telling me she cannot breath. Since then, I stepped back and am living a life of limbo with emotions of anger, hurt, love, betrayal, being a doormat, fear, disrespected, confusion, broken trust, and extreme stress of worrying that creeps up and causes me to act out of emotions. Happens a few times a week. a total mess I am. She's important to me and that's why I'm here.
I hate coming home to just a house. Who wouldn't.
My confidence is lost.
Walking on egg shells. Is that what they call it? Because when W is around I act as if I am fine and things are fine. When inside, I'm dying. Try to say and do the right things all the time.
What gets me is, how the OM and my w can hold the guilt and not expose to her (OM wife and w best friend(they're like sisters)). I'm just on the side watching all this. It does make me feel terrible, cause her I am just as low as them holding the truth from someone dear to me.
