Labug, WOW. Thank you that was exactly what I needed to hear.
Yes, H has said that most of the problems are his, not mine. OW muddies the waters a lot, definitely for me and most likely for him as well. I really, really like your suggestion that I have patience and let things unfold before I feel like I have to make a decision about the M. Just putting that aside for now takes a lot of the pressure off. It's also helpful to think that I don't necessarily have to reinvent myself, I can just fine tune.
The changes I've made that I think would help the R (if we ever have one again) have made me a calmer parent and more comfortable saying no to things like requests for volunteer time that I may not be super excited about. At the same time I've said yes to things that excite me, and drawn some much-needed boundaries with my mom that have helped me feel more whole. So all in all I'm probably in as good a place as a person in my position could be.
The thing that stings a bit about this is that I was definitely not this comfortable with myself before I married my H. He has had a better opinion of me than any person who ever knew me. Because of his ambition (and sometimes because of his deficiencies) I've had to learn to do many, many things I would never have attempted as a single woman, and although the things I've done aren't earth-shattering, they have built me up hugely. So I'm in touch with a much better version of Maybell than the 24 year old version. The uncertainty around house, money, husband, kids aside... I'm oddly happy and at peace. (Perhaps with the caveat of "for today")
Labug, thank you so much for having exactly the words I needed on the right day. I'll be going back to them every time I need them.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
