Hi all - "was never in love"

[Mat]

Oh man - went to dinner with W. Now I'm worried she's going to read this forum, but I don't know where else to go.

She pressed me to find out how I felt, without giving much away herself other than she's as happy as she's ever been! She also said I looked "sad". Here I am, smiling, talking about my projects and what I'm up to, but she insists I am sad. I can't keep coming up with new evidence of a full and rich life. I'm a homebody for a start!!

Bit of tension about money. One minute she wants nothing out of the marital assets, then gets upset when I say that the cost of her hotel should be taken into account when figuring out a settlement.

I guess the most infuriating thing is how she's still reiterating that we were just friends all along, and that I'll be better off without her. She got upset and defensive when I told her that my sister thought she looked a bit down last two xmases (we only go back home once a year). She feels insulted that I put the breakup down to her state of mind, as if she didn't know what she was talking about.

I think my dissatisfaction is a) because I didn't manage to manoeuvre out of getting into an argument about the possibility of repairing the relationship, hence looking clingy, and b) trying to appease her when she got upset.

I ended up telling her not to worry about cash, that I'd loan her money to rent an apt if she really wants to go live separately. And I said I was sorry for implying her state of mind clouded her judgment, as I am sure she has her reasons and I am not the one to question them. This is the main insight - I really have to be better at not questioning her, because she'll defend her choice and she'll be more steadfast in her desire to stay apart. I know it's in DR, but it's really hard to apply in practice.

In spite of reading all the books, I'm still a rookie on the actual field. It's sobering thought. I couldn't help but argue back a bit and admit that I'd try to work on marriage if she let me. It was like a chess match and I can't play chess. How can I validate her if she only says she's happy? The only point she makes is how much better off we'll both be. I'm not sure how to validate that.

Anyway - lots of footie and boxing to watch tonight while I decompress. Go England!!