Hurt and Confussed

[T-boned]

Oad, while I am not a vet, I understand your upset with her going forward with the divorce. My stbxH unilaterally decided our marriage was over after 20+ years together and he retained a mediation lawyer. Like you, I told him I wasn't going to pay a dime for this because it was not my decision and not what I wanted. As much as it hurt to go to the meetings I had to accept the fact that I can't control him, he is going to do this whether I like it or not, so I better make sure I watch out for myself financially. Believe me, the first night we met the lawyer, I remember sitting there next to him wondering what the h_ll were we doing there. Even said to him as we left the office, "I hope some day you can sit down with me and tell me how we got to this place." That comment was met with no response and a sort of blank look. Update, the divorce is to be final in Aug and he is still just going forward with this and not looking back.It's so sad.

I guess the advice I have for you is to continue what you are doing, LRT and start GAL (getting a life), because you have no control in her decisions. It may be she goes through with this - you can't fight it because of the state's no fault law (one I wholeheartedly DISAGREE with!!! - unless there's physical or emotional abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism, I think couples should be required to try for a year by going to counseling sessions and require documentation, but I digress). My state has the same law, so I figured I needed to participate so he also couldn't unilaterally decide my financial future either. You can only control yourself - you can't control her. This is her journey, one you are not invited to share. Are you seeing a counselor or therapist? I highly recommend it. She should too.

And remember what Michelle said in DR about LRT, you may DB (LRT) until the cows come home and it still may not work - basically that it is not a guaranteed fix. More reason for you to prepare yourself for the undesireable outcome by strengthening yourself.

Oad, I am sorry you are here. But you are at the best place given your situation. Don't worry about people not posting (saw your earlier posts-is there anybody out there?) I went through that to. Keep posting. People will show up. And go to other sites and post. Will cause those folks to look you up, read your sitch, and offer help.

It's painful, gut-wrenching, and something none of us should ever have to go through, but the reality is, you are here. So do the best for yourself and know you have all of us here to help you out. As someone else posted to you, read Sandi's list everyday. Just read a lot about this topic and what people can do for themselves.

Hope this helps. (((Hugs)))