I haven't gone to AlAnon but maybe it is time to find a meeting. What I want is for him to want to work on the marriage, but he is so wrapped up in his own stuff and pretty much told me he has no interest in doing that. In the mean time I am just trying to keep things afloat. He says he is on board with my plans then doesn't follow through and gets mad when I try to hold him accountable. I think I am finally accepting that this is addiction problems rather than marriage problems, and maybe walking away is all I can do? His drinking has never really bothered me and I never really thought was a problem--I'm still not sure, but his spending--especially the amount he blows on lotto tickets--has always been a problem that I ignored, and I think I am just now realizing the scope of that addiction.

I would love to talk to a DB coach but I am barely making the bills these days, especially now that he moved his paycheck to a separate account that I have no access to. Now I have to wait for him to write me a check rather than doing it myself. I am talking to my pastor, and it helps, but not so much in the DB arena, more in the sanity department.

This weekend I am having a me weekend. The kids went away with grandparents and I am staying in their empty home away from all of the stress of home. It is lonelier than I expected, but I am determined to make it cathartic.

Last edited by mustardseed; 06/14/14 12:22 AM.
40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17