Old dynamics indeed 25. Trip home was a mixed bag. It was good for the first 5 days or so but then it started to get a little hairy during my niece's graduation. My family is very used to attacking and playing the victim. I try not to engage but when after awhile I get worn down - so I set up pretty strict boundaries.. which turn into I'm a bad aunt, daughter, sister.. etc.
Needless to say I cried alot.
And yes 25 - you may very well be right with new girl as well. I told her not to contact me if she felt any romantic feelings for me when she reached out. That lasted 5 days.
It lead to a conversation about me needing space because I couldn't shut off my feelings and I didn't like manipulating my behavior to try and maintain a friendship. I also said that I couldn't promise anything. Not how long I needed space for or if our friendship would survive at the end of it.
I explained that I don't make those kind of promises any more. After having my wife become my xw and to have my best friend become a stranger - those promises are naive. People's feelings change all the time.
I think it scared her pretty bad.. but instead of talking about it.. she got pretty hot headed about it. Accused me of not wanting to fight for her or our friendship. She compared herself to my other friendships. And said I found other friends worthy but not her.
I'm not so sure why I woman whom I have known for 1.5 years would even compare to my best friends who have been in the darkest of times with me for the past 3 years. Not because of anything wrong with her - but relationships are built over time and life experiences. It doesn't mean that we can't get there -just not yet.
Needless to say- she didn't handle that response well. Nor when I told her that she shouldn't compare the two. That it showed selfishness and insecurities on her part. And as much as I'm all for hearing and creating a safe environment - it couldn't be like that.
So she's taking space to cool off. I'm kinda relieved and slightly proud of myself. For sticking up for myself, my beliefs, and most importantly - not freaking out when someone gets mad or even takes space.
We will see how the conversation continues - if/when it does.. but it looks like more coins were just dropped in the "move on" bucket.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
