I wanted to know why you are asking your 14 year if she thinks its a good idea for you to go out to a meetup? I'm thinking it may not be appropriate for you to do that.
I am noticing that you read what is written to you,then you say you agree and you get it. Then you post a really long answer indicating that you are still thinking and doing all the things you said you got.
She is in crisis. That means she will not be thinking rationally. It means she will say and do things that dont make any sense. It means she is in selfish, teenager mode. It means that she will blame you for everything.
No amount of you trying to understand, no amount of talking or reasoning, no amount of you telling her that you love her is going to make any difference while she is in one. It just isnt.
You cannot continue to blame her actions on her father or her divorced friends. While she isnt fully rational, she is making her own choices.
The sooner you get your mind around it all, the better off you will be. You are getting in your own way here, Matt. Stop it.
This is what is happening. Hard and sucky as it is. The woman you once knew is gone for now.
But you can have empathy for her. You can honor your marriage and your wife by allowing her to walk her journey.
She cant walk it if you are standing in the way. You keep holding onto her pants leg. She keeps trying harder and harder to get you off.
She cant hear you right now. She just cant.
So, your job is to look after you and your kids and to get out of the way of her path.
I know its difficult. I know it is heartbreaking. I know you feel that she is destroying everything and you cant understand why.
She is in terrible pain, Matt. Can you imagine feeling so badly that you are willing to destroy everything you have known because of it?
Leave her to figure herself out. She cannot move forward in this if she is still looking over her shoulder at you.
Love her enough to let her go and love you enough to walk your own journey.
Make a conscious decision today. Say to yourself, I cannot understand it and thats ok. Some things just are. They arent meant to be understood.
You have been given this amazing opportunity to become your best self. Take it.
Show your children how to navigate through life's turmoils with dignity and courage. What an extraordinary gift you have been given. Show them well.
Let it go. Accept what is. Remember you will get through it.
