What to do

[sandi2]

When I was so addicted to contacting OM, I found it was incredibly difficult to stop once I knew I had to end things. Even though I was the WAW, this board gave me the strength to get through those times I felt so weak. I knew contacting him was at the tip of my fingers. But I came here and read and posted.......read and posted. I wasn't getting much sleep, either. Surprisingly, nobody told me to go away and stop coming to the board. What I'm saying is that we are your support system, Ben. Use the board for support. I know of no other people that can identify with your stitch like the folks here.

When your W said "everyone" tells her to get out of the R..........you know how we women are. We always say things like "never, everyone, all the time, and.......always".
It could have been as many as two people who did not argue with her, and she said it was everyone. WAW's listen to who they believe will support what she wants. I know I did. And her parents will stand by her, regardless, b/c she is their D. It's just the way it is. But you cannot judge what will happen on what she says, what she does, or how many supporters she has. Okay?

If it helps, I was very torn and confused. I changed my mind a thousand times a day. Now what may seem odd is that it was not my LBH that talked me into staying in the M. Remember, he could do nothing right, in my eyes. It was, however, total strangers who got my attention and told me the truth of what was happening to me.....and what was needed to get through the mess I was in.

I want you to listen especially to this part, Ben. I was raised in a strict, Christian environment. I had never sown wild oats, as people say. I had been like a model daughter. Not model W maybe, but I'd say a very "proper" W. At least in my VP. . But I gradually slipped over a line I should have prevented. You see, Christians can sin too. In spite of my waywardness, my conscious still spoke to me. The night I found this board? I had originally looked for a Christian forum b/c I was reaching out for somebody to help me. Just happens that the particular one I found was sorry and I told them off and left 'em. See how bad I am? But that same night I actually "stumbled" across the DB board. Need I say more?

Of couse I will say more, b/c I wanted to tell you to not put your faith in your W or any other person. Put it in the One who can work all things together for your good. By that, I don't mean you should do nothing, I'm just saying that you cannot say anything to change her mind right now. Nothing! Even if she was pressured enough to return, you can't make her love you.

How long it may take, or what it will take, or if anything changes her decision, IDK. God will not force her against her volition. But He sure has way of getting the help if she ever reaches out. Maybe........and probably not through you, but your part is fixing yourself while these other things work together. As Cadet says, she has given you a gift of time. Use it to become the best man you can be. Really!

Btw, when you are told to chill, it doesn't mean to not take this stitch seriously! It means that you cannot continue to operate out of emotions. You will crash and burn. We can tell you things to help, if you'll listen and apply. But you must operate from your "will" and not feelings. Yes, you are going to feel a lot of bad, but don't act on it.

The majority of newcomers seem to be LBH'S. So read other threads and post every day as many times as you want.

Work with the doctor b/c loss of sleep causes other problems. Depression is common.....and can become serious if not treated. That was only a portion of my problem. I was in so much pain that I was looking for some escape. So, be wise.

The church thing should be what you feel is comfortable. Just don't stop going to some church somewhere. That's not how to handle it. Doing like you did last time was a good start. No pressure, no expectations. Be pleasant if she speaks, but don't over kill. Continue in your growth.

P.S. It was a long time before I was ready to reach out for help.