For Making Magic....

[ericmsant2]

MM

I am concerned more about the game play... thats what I don't like.

1) Concerned about “game play” - you should not care. For some reason you are taking ownership of how he feels. That is not your problem.
2) Concerned about “game play” – when you truly drop the rope and do not care….well then…you will not care what he thinks.

I could care less to piss him off (180), but doing so with intent, comes off wrong to me..... do you see my point better? I feel that if I said no, because I "now, suddenly/intentionally" have plans to "play a game". Thats how it would look.

1) “comes off wrong to me” – The reason YOU FEEL this way is because you are not used to standing up for yourself. You have become quite comfortable trying to make everyone happy – except yourself.
2) “Thats how it would look” – YOU are mind reading. You have no idea how he will look at it and actually you should not care.

truthfully, I just want him

Sorry you want the IDEA of HIM. YOU also do NOT want to face YOUR FEARS. IMO, you view on LOVE and COMMITMENT is skewed. Not your fault probably…It is YOUR fault though if YOU choose NOT to finally face it and deal with it.

I truly thought that the posters would "LIKE" the fact that I was saying "whew"...

Do not be a people pleaser. Post what you want to say…not what poster want to “hear”.

YES, he is the only one for the last 20years and a very good one at that. Its mutual.

a. “a very good one at that” – I call this “whipped”..sorry MM, as I suspected…your c*ck whipped. Sorry.
b. “It’s mutual” – you guys have nothing but a sex relationship. I am glad you find it mutual enjoyable. Honestly, I really think nothing I say on this will help you. As Gabbymom mentioned….how would you feel if your daughter said to you how much she love sex with her husband that beats her. How she get off…over and over and over again…and so does her H. When he is done…he smacks her around for good measure. She does not like it much. BUT they both are good in the sack together. How would you feel if she said that too you?

I don't understand your point on what needing sex to validate does...?? Our little make out session was quite hot & steamy/passionate for BOTH.

I’ll try and be as straight to the point as I can…..on this one.

My ex was good in the sack. Matter of fact….she made love to me like never before……right after she slept with OM. Oh…when I found out – I threw up. We never slept together again. Sorry….I respect myself to much for that. Oh…and yes I guess my ex would say that it was good for us BOTH since I did “get off”.

when it came to our sex life...it was my "job"... so, when he reached out & grabbed me & was passionately kissing & the hands were travelling. IT WAS A NEW BEHAVIOUR from him.

Actually that is the way you want to see it and man I feel for you…probably the only way you CAN see it.

First… the “job” of originating sex between two people falls on BOTH people. That is healthy. I suspect that he “liked” when you initiated…a little less work for him and also feed his ego (I mean really why should he think of YOURS). When he saw that did not work…he just decided to use a different tactic to get what HE WANTED…which was a piece of your…… Since you love it soo much..you went for the ride. Honestly, MM….it is sad to read this.

I struggled with rewarding... aren't we supposed to reward good behaviour? My friend suggested that I could talk with him to say that I really enjoyed his pursuing (nice change), although it only feels like 50% of what I want now. Or something like that....thoughts?

You struggle with self worth – not rewarding. I think as long as he touches you in the right place..you’ll just melt. Sad if ya ask me. Oh…as for your friends comments….. personally, I would get another friend.

How can I reward that nice change in him when I have now given up on him? confused here!

Do YOU understand that you come across as so desperate for his pecker that it sad? I’m not trying to hurt you MM..really I’m not..I really think you need to go see a therapist. You want to “reward” him? Really?

Our sex life was mutually awesome (he still says that he won't find better too). I am hung up on the fact that most marriages after short time don't have what we have in that arena. We are both afraid to let that go. Which is why I think he is "trying" to keep that part. The thing is... ya can't have only the good part of me... I am the WhoLE package !!!!

Okay MM…I tried… I have to say I am not sure that anything I say will get through to you. I wish you well sweetie..I do. Go be with him. Go enjoy sex with him. It is okay.