For Making Magic....

[makingmagic]

TX Sandi.... in search for that woman "mystical magic:...that I recall once having!!! I will find it AGAIN!!

Eric ... thanks for your long posts in this thread. I will keep reading and re-reading & learning & taking notes... Thank you for your continued effort, it will not be wasted or go unappreciated. I will review & comment because I thought I had written some POSITIVES, only for them to be received differently. I thought you would have been proud of my comments... hmmm.

To respond:


The fact that you have never broken up with someone tells me that you have had this self worth/self esteem issue for a loooonnnnggg time. The fact that you would never allow your DD to be in this sitch – tells me that you are VERY AWARE OF YOUR FEAR. ..... <<<<<<< YES to both!

YOUR responses to XBF are…..in or in anticipation of a response from him, or how it is gonna make HIM feel, or how HE will perceive YOU. ……Look at what you wrote…. “it may now come across as a game play & just piss him off”…

PISS HIM OFF – WTF. Who gives a chit what he feels? YOU DO…so your responses are FOR HIM – NOT for YOU. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<The new MM is no longer afraid to piss him off... I am concerned more about the game play... thats what I don't like. I am proud that I could care less to piss him off (180), but doing so with intent, comes off wrong to me..... do you see my point better? I feel that if I said no, because I "now, suddenly/intentionally" have plans to "play a game". Thats how it would look.

Why do you feel the need, rather OBLIGATION to be truthful to him? Why do you feel the need or OBLIGATION to say anything to him? IMO, cause you still want him…you still want to see if you can save this… <<<<<< truthfully, I just want him... but not at MY EXPENSE. I just felt that honesty was the best approach to most all circumstance, no? I do not make a very believable liar/actor.


Look at this ^^^^ “WHEW …if he doesn’t! Really MM, really….are you that scared of him?

Then look at your very next sentence….

“Whew” again… and what I find really amazing…is your comment “I’m not sure how I would have handled it”. Personally, I am starting to think that he has been your one and only lover. Maybe the one person that has managed to “get you off”. Maybe this is more about you NEEDING sex to validate how you feel about yourself. <<<<<< I am REALLY confused with your response here... I truly thought that the posters would "LIKE" the fact that I was saying "whew"... to the fact that He wasn't pursuing further when its not appropriate and I wasn't placed in an uncomfortable position that I wasn't prepared for. He isn't my one only lover.. I have had a few in the past. YES, he is the only one for the last 20years and a very good one at that. Its mutual. We both still enjoy & want the other. I don't understand your point on what needing sex to validate does...?? Our little make out session was quite hot & steamy/passionate for BOTH.

Here is the thing, HE is not the pursuer when it came to our sex life...it was my "job"... so, when he reached out & grabbed me & was passionately kissing & the hands were travelling. IT WAS A NEW BEHAVIOUR from him. <<<<< This is GREAT & I struggled with rewarding... aren't we supposed to reward good behaviour? My friend suggested that I could talk with him to say that I really enjoyed his pursuing (nice change), although it only feels like 50% of what I want now. Or something like that....thoughts?

The "not sure how to handle it" comment relates to now... days later? How can I reward that nice change in him when I have now given up on him? confused here!

Thanks for the GOALS...will read & re-read, till I get it!

FTR, I still believe that you need to address the sex/physical validation thing – I just don’t think you can. <<< don't think I can? why say that (sounds kinda mean to me??) Our sex life was mutually awesome (he still says that he won't find better too). I am hung up on the fact that most marriages after short time don't have what we have in that arena. We are both afraid to let that go. Which is why I think he is "trying" to keep that part. The thing is... ya can't have only the good part of me... I am the WhoLE package !!!!

Tx KenF ~ yep... you are right... there are countless instructions to be followed. I just need to start & want the pep talks along the way.

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We show people how we can be treated. I have allowed this behaviour in my past somehow & won't allow it anymore. After basically promoting for him to put the moves on me (because I encouraged him to act on "feelings" & passion), he did.... now what?