And I didn't really answer the question. Here's one thought:
Seven years ago we left the town where I was REALLY happy to move cross country. About that time I discovered I was pregnant with our third. H hadn't really wanted a third... It was not a planned pregnancy on my part either. Of course he's a joy but one of the first questions H asked after BD was whether I snuck the pregnancy in on purpose. His mom did that to his dad. I didn't.
I was really depressed for a long time after the move. I blamed him a lot. I did not want to be there and I had a terrible time, pregnant, lonely, with a 4yo and 1yo.
He enjoyed the work. Home eventually got better, but then worse again with financial problems. He changed jobs to a company with a lot of partying. Said he didn't like the culture but it also became his primary social outlet. Since the most recent move he hasn't gotten to know a ton of people in our new town and work is still his primary social outlet. Even more now than at the previous company.
Now home is all about the repercussions of the affair and in my view (we realize my view may be suspect) he doesn't have the skills to help repair the relationship. Plus his travel is more glamorous than it has ever been and I've never gone anywhere.
So there you go. Desire, necessity, and avoidance.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
