I realize you are postpartum and worried sick about your baby, feeling guilt and everything else. But:
THIS IS NOT ON YOU.
Did you choose to walk out on your H? Did you choose for him to go to OW? Did you choose to introduce this chaos in your home at a time when any healthy woman has extra needs? OR:
Did you choose to do the best you could with the hand you were dealt? Did you take steps to make sure she was given the healthiest start you could give her? Did you have to balance your, and her, needs against the needs of the other four children in your home?
YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD. You are NOT the worst mom ever. She deserves the love and care you have for her. She is getting the care she needs right now and that is what a good mom does. You haven't left her alone in the hospital, you are sleeping in a f-ing waiting room hours after giving birth because you care that much. You are a DAMN GOOD MOM.
I'm sending you extra prayers. No one should have to go through everything you've been through and will continue to endure. Call someone you trust to come and help care for you. YOU DESERVE THAT AND YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU TO BE WELL-SUPPORTED RIGHT NOW.
Keep us posted. I know it's not going to happen, but try to lay off blaming yourself. Give her the best start you can by caring for yourself.
HUGS.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
