prayers please

[twinmom]

HUGE guilt, can't stop sobbing/being slightly hysterical right now. Lilly is going through withdraw symptoms from the zoloft and ativan I took because I couldn't handle the situation between me and H.

I stopped taking it about a month ago so this wouldn't happen but it still did. They are treating her for the withdrawals and she will be here minimum 5 days.

We are not at the hospital where I delivered so I was "discharged" after 2 hours and no room to sleep in here just a waiting room.

They won't let me nurse her because they want to measure everything so I have to pump and give a bottle when all I really want to do is hold her close to me. We aren't allowed to hold her at all. H has not held her at all yet, I was allowed to immediately after birth but only for a few minutes till they took her away.

I hurt my baby because I couldn't handle stress, worst f'ing mom ever. I can't even look at her knowing I did this to her.