How would I validate if she said "I want a divorce"? I would say "I completely understand why you would feel that way. I didn't treat you with the respect that you deserved, and I hurt you deeply- I regret that." End. Don't keep jabbering. That's it. Let her feel understood- that's what she needs, not you trying to make excuses, or continue on with "...but, I....."!
When you can validate her statements while not letting yourself to fall into the pattern you have of justifying yourself or pleading your case, then your DB Kung Fu is strong. .
As for buying a car, thinking that will bring you together- don't be a sucker. That's an immature "fix it quick and easy" way of thinking. A car won't being you together, neither will a child nor any other "thing" you can think of. For her, it's emotional, pure and simple.
Click to reveal..
She does not love you, and when you don't love someone you
Yikes, I don't believe WE know how SHE feels....nor would I ever tell someone this. Maybe it's just me but it seems like a majorly defeatist attitude, with a big does of mind reading.
but it's clear she isn't in the mood to give you any reassurances. I happen to believe most people who were once in love, enough to MARRY, don't stop loving so fast. But there are other emotions covering that love up right now, like frustration and anger and disappointment.
The only choice you have now, regardless of whether you think the m can be saved, is to BECOME A MAN ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEAVE, and stfu.
Seriously, this is your last lap and if you cannot handle it, if you really cannot sustain change for a full 48 hours.....
then she may feel she is better off with someone who can control themselves better, and you know, cope.
But I'm sorry you are hurt. I know it stinks, but I cannot see how this changes things. I mean, if you feel it's a full on physical affair AND IF you don't think you can ever get past this, then move on. NO choice....but you still need to make those changes.
And if you believe you might be able to move past a possible affair, then you still need to stfu and make those changes.
See, ^^^?? Same course of action for YOU regardless...
feel trapped and that you have to get out. She's in escape mode. The best that you can hope for is that you can get a hold of yourself, make yourself strong and emotionally attractive, and make small "deposits" into her love bank until she starts to like you again. It's a long process: come to peace with that.
It's no surprise to me that there is someone else in the picture. The way she was deceptive in her texts (avoiding directly answering questions about seeing anyone else, not "trusting herself" etc.) plus her lying about where she was spelled it right out to me. Trust me, you will make no progress until that ends.
-hs
I feel as if that approach^^ is an excuse to play the victim and not look in the mirror.
You will make no progress in your life without changing YOURSELF, which is the only person you control. Worrying about when her affair ends will get you nowhere.
You have NO control over that, but you do control yourself. You can become the better choice.
Spend NO TIME thinking of OM. That's beneath the new, improved you, right?
No pleading or begging for reassurance. GIVE DBing a CHANCE!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
. 
