2) Kick his arse to the curb. In a mature way that states: until you figure out what you want, I cannot partake.
Just "one" of the problems you have in dropping the rope is b/c you want to use it as a gimmick to make him do what you want. You can't let go b/c you are too busy watching the slightest move from him.......and if he says anything, your brain has a spasam! You not only grab the rope but you try to lasso him in.
You will never be successful dropping the rope, Magic, b/c you simple can't let it go. You can't have it both ways and expect it to work! Whenever you mention dropping the rope, you want to attach conditions to it. You are too busy looking to see if it's working........and it isn't b/c you aren't letting it go. Plus, you have to leave the rope laying dead in the sand and walk away! That's what you can't do.
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f I do #1... I cannot be angry/resentful (and I am) because that fuels his fear of taking a mile when offered an inch. I need to show that his effort yesterday was OK, but there is no pressure & I am fine. We can just have "fun" (without sex) & see how it goes.
Don't you get it? Having sex is his fun! . I guarantee you that he would not do a fun thing or even spend time with you.....if he thought there was no sex in it for him!
And I have to tell you, if I were you, I would be more than angry/resentful. I would be on the brink of vengence! Somehow, I would figure out some healthy way for me to get rid of it.......but for my sake, not b/c it fuels his fear! But hell yeah, he'd have fear.......of what I might do!!!!
I once read where most R's have one who is the giver and one the taker. When I was busted for my A by my daughter, she told me, "Mom, you know if Dad had ever done this, you wouldn't stand for it one second". And she was correct! I would have kicked him out so fast he couldn't breathe. And if he had told me to hit the road......I would have gotten my act together a lot faster. However, he was the taker in our R. He took the sh't I gave him. Just like you keep taking the crap xbf is giving.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
