WAW...Again, Part II

[stumps]

Thanks man, I appreciate the good thoughts.

It feels good...knowing I am definitely on the right path for me.

Unfortunately...and I'm just putting my thoughts down here and acknowledge that I can't mind-read or predict the future, but... I'm getting the vibe that if my wife is going to have a change of heart about her chosen path, it's not going to be until after she's moved out and we're living separately. We carry on for the most part like a happily married couple, minus the love and affection. She says just doesn't feel it for me. Which seems weird in light of how much we enjoy each other's company, and how much fun we've been having going out together and when we're hanging out at home with friends and family. And it is hard seeing her express love and affection toward just about everyone else except me (needless to say I STFU about it).


W actually brought up her feelings a week or so ago... She asked me how I was able to be the great guy I've been being--how I was able to be everything she wanted in a relationship--despite the fact that she knew she wasn't able to do the same for me in return. I wasn't sure how to respond... But what I told her was that given our history, I wouldn't expect her to be in a place right now where she felt like doing the same for
me in return, and what she was seeing from me was my work on becoming the type of man I want to be, regardless of our status. And that ultimately, in a way, I owed her a debt of gratitude for helping me to see what type of man that is. Married or not, relationship or not, this is my effort to become a better person...everything else flows from that.

I try not to think about it too much, but it is strange to me that W will on the one hand pull me aside to give me a hug and tell me how much she's been enjoying "us" lately, and then on the other hand remark about how she wishes she had feelings for me that she just doesn't have. I'm her best friend she says... And it really is feeling like we've returned
to that place where I'm pining away for that girl that I'm "just friends" with because my feelings aren't reciprocated.

She deserves everything she wants in a relationship. More and more I'm realizing so do I. I'm not pushing her in that regard. In fact I'm mum about it. But more and more I'm finding myself saying in my head "I'm ready to be loved."