This is journaling and stream of consciousness so apologies in advance.
At the start of this week, I was feeling quite distant from WAW as she has not been in touch for some time. When I have D2 I make sure to txt W when D has gone to bed (W really likes this) and also send some PXT too, of W playing around.
However, on Tues W sent me an email asking for a favour which was to drive her back to her parent’s on Sunday as she has a Dr’s appointment on Monday about her broken foot. She phrased the request very politely (as is her way) and to let her know if it was too much trouble. I replied saying it wasn’t too much trouble at all, and that I would be happy to help. I was overjoyed that she had asked me to be honest.
On Thurs I sent her an email to confirm where D2 would be for me to pick-up for this weekend (D2 hasn’t been going to crèche as much while W has a broken foot). W replies that it would be the crèche. She also said that my brother in law has a course in Australia so her sister would be driving down and could take her back. It would save me a trip. I replied that that was ok. But in truth I was/am GUTTED about this turn of events as I was looking forward to having a chance to be in W’s company. I felt disappointment and did some mind-reading about W (taking an “easier” option) and W’s sister (not being supportive of our marriage repair). My suspicious mindreading of the sister stems from a situation after D2’s second birthday. It was held at W’s parents place. I drove W and D2 home after D’s 2nd birthday. At the time, W had no other option to get home as her car had broken down. Before we left I overheard W’s sister say to someone how uncomfortable she was about me driving W back. In addition, when we were driving W’s family called her about 3 times to check she was ok. At the time, it made me feel really odd, and sort of like they were bullying me. It so shaming that I’ve lost so much trust in their eyes. But I didn’t say anything at all about it. In fact, I kept the car ride back really light and W and I laughed a few times too – singing Old MacDonald over and over does that to you!
Rationally, I understand W’s family care a lot about W and are trying their best to support her. They are not challenging her perspective at all, but as is written on here, if they did W would perhaps seek out enablers. I’m grateful that my family is also loving, though my sister has also been very frank about her opinions of where my attitudes could be better and that was really helpful to set me on a new path/approach. I really don’t want to have two camps and I did/do love my in-laws, despite our differences.
It feels controlling saying W and in-laws, as after 18 months it doesn’t feel like they are. I don’t intend to be controlling if you know what I mean.
In terms of my GAL, I am still enjoying my gym and the member of the month thing was published on Facebook today, which was cool.
I also applied for, and have an interview of a job that is in a city an hour’s flight away from here. Thinking about it sends all sorts of thinking going – will I see D2 less, what will I do with my new house, does it mean I’ve given up DBing? Am I being impatient? Am I seeking change to cover-up hurt (and is that wrong?) etc. etc. But I’ve resolved to take it one step at a time. Let’s see if an offer emerges and what its terms are, & then I can decide. A city in the same country an hour’s flight away isn’t so far, and I have been struggling in this current role. It’s an exciting distraction. Being honest, I guess it is something of a move away from W. But that’s not why I’m doing it.
Looking forward to spending time with D2 this weekend.
Good luck DBing everyone & have a good Friday and weekend.
