Hi I'm new, I hope I won't be a burden... prt 2

[25yearsmlc]

Barry, sorry but I disagree here...and here's why...

If she says "I want to divorce" and you agree with her, what do you think will happen? You aren't always going to agree with what she says. Telling her you agree when you don't is doormat behavior.


it's not honest. I wouldn't say it's "doormat" behavior however. Semantics? No. I think honesty is key, even if muted.

Instead, listen to what she says and validate the feeling: "Why do you want to divorce?" if you need more information or

Ask her NOTHING about her wanting a divorce or why.
You already know why.

You can release her to her task if you like, and that'd be a 180.

The more you challenge her choices, the more you force her to defend them. Stop all the challenges and questions. Remember that there is value in SILENCE and STFU often...

assuming SHE brings it up and assuming YOU DO NOT, then if she declares herself or says she's "Still on the fence" blah blah blah, you can say something along the lines of

"Hey, I'm working on ME so I'll be a better h for some lucky woman. While I hope it's you, I can't control that. You do what you need to do..."

AND THEN LEAVE the room with a comment like 'I have To go...(and if she probes you for where and why and with whom, you simply have a lot of work/hobby/errands/reading to do.

"But I'll see you later!" and in a positive upbeat manner, you get the heck out. Let her stew on that 180! Do not wait for more from her AFTER you say your piece.

Also, SHE TOLD YOU she's fearful you'll revert to your old ways in time. LISTEN to that. So you need to show her (with actions and time, NOT words & backslides) that this is the new improved you, for real.

Do NOT move out. SHE can if she "wants" that. Why would YOU move, when she's the one who wants out?

"I'm sorry you feel that way" if you've heard it before. You are at the beginning of your journey of being your own man. It is important to know your own answers to the important questions and act consistent with those. Do I want to divorce? Do I want to move out? When she speaks, you listen, validate, think about what she has said for a while and make your own decision based on what is best for you moving forward.

In regards to space, do you have a spare living area or bedroom? If so, can you comfortably spend more time there and out of your wife's sight? If not, go for for a walk or find something else to do outside the house. You can create space without moving out. It will take some discipline though, much like those text messages.

Your interactions sound positive today. Hopefully you can start to see little signs that this stuff sound crazy but it works. You leave her alone and she'll come to you.