My ss19 graduated today. It was very touching and he had one of the loudest cheering sections. It was a strange day with h....close but yet so far. We drove separate because I was going to work after but sat together. At the party after he came and sathe with me a few times and made small talk. It never occurred to him to get a card and was grateful when I offered to sign his name to the card and balloons I got.
At the same time he spent the whole day checking his texts and disappearing outside. I wonder if he was stressed hanging out with 1 estranged wife and 1 ex wife.
The day was bittersweet. Wif 1's family have always been so sweet to s and I and I wonder how much I will see of them in the future
There were so many times today I had to stop myself from reaching out for his hand as that would be very unwelcome.
But I enjoyed the day. Smiled and didn't show him I was hurting. Chit chatted with everyone, played with the kids etc.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Checking the phone constantly, leaving empty boxes in the cupboard, crumbs on the floor, dirty dishes under the bed... Frat boy?
Laugh J. It really is funny sometimes. Just do it quietly and away from Mr Sensitive-pants
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
touch and goes? I get those every few weeks myself. It's like they're just checking to see if you're still there. Messes with your head a bit, at least it does mine. I found it easier to detach when they don't contact for sure hang in there.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I get exceedingly polite and formal e-mails, like you would write to a business acquaintance. Have had several thank yous and sorry. Kind of ridiculous. He absolutely does NOT want to appear to be the 'bad guy' who had the explosion that messed everything up one day. Too late for that...
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
In the past 2 days I have gotten 2 thank yous 1 sorry and 1 have a good day. I think a new alien has inhabited my h.
the thing is, if you can handle it, those are good things. Communication is something you do if you care, even if in a warped way. Not communicating is the anti-caring vehicle although it's sometimes a way of not enduring the pain.
So, what do?
The choice is yours J. If you can handle it, I suggest being friendly and detached. If you cannot, then do what you can to minimize the interaction without being mean and nasty.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I am going with friendly and detached. It makes things much more pleasant. When he is rude and mean I will still be pleasant and detached.
I have an appt with a L in a few weeks. I told her I didn't want to do anything just get some information. I think I have been lying to myself and everone. I keep saying I am letting things stay as they are for s. It really is for me too. I don't want a D. I am not ready to give up on my h. I may very well end up D. He may never cone out the other end of this crisis. He may never be ready to deal with his alcohol addiction. OW thinks she is fixing him. That isn't possible. He needs to fix himself. But someone needs to believe in him. Even if he doesn't know I do or doesn't care.
Does that make any sense?
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
It makes perfect sense to me, JG. And I applaud the honesty about why you are doing what you are doing.
It's important to know why you are doing what you are doing and to be honest with what may happen. You know and can articulate the risks and are CHOOSING to take action according to your needs and desires.
That is very healthy to me and very much what I think is important. That you are honest and deliberate. Brutally so if necessary.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I love your honesty. It's difficult isn't it? This time gives you an opportunity to step back and take a different look at your h. I commend you for believing him. The reality is that has to be very challenging right now.
It's always a good idea to chat with a L or 8:). Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
