Im probably a very familiar story...husband of 5 yrs and going through a divorce that I would give all extremities to stop. I am at fault for many repeated reason. Had I got help at a much earlier stage in the marriage, I honestly don't believe I would be sitting in this situation. So, here I am. My wife says enough is enough. I've done a lot wrong and am trying to make things right. I'm 3/4 through the divorce busters book (still confused) and treating her as she should have been treated for so long. Sorry I'm getting long winded. My problem is that she is 200% stuck on my past issues. She sees I'm trying and that i've changed but continuously says that it is just the same old phase. What can I do to have a breakthrough with her before its too late?
Timmy, this is like dieting. If it took you years to LOSE her trust, it's going to take you at LEAST six months of consistent (not perfect) changes to begin to earn it back.
Can you be more specific? What are her legitimate marital complaints?
Also, is there another man involved? That may be blocking her to you emotionally as well.
Thank you all for the kind words. Its been 4 months since she filed and i'm trying to do everything right. She says she sees the change in me but she says she doesn't believe it will last. I don't know what else to do to show her that I'm changed. Ive read the DB book, signed up for Mort Fratel's Marriage Fitness and I'm seeing a counselor. Basically saying, I'm taking strides I've never taken before.
Starsky...I did everything wrong in this marriage that one human being could possibly do. I neglected her, disrespected her, she was a homebody and I was a social butterfly so I was out all the time which led to very unnecessary flirting and messaging with other girls. And then to lie about it all. To be honest, she allowed me to do it for so long that I took full advantage of it, to the point that I was disconnected from the marriage. Now that I had this light bulb click on, she shortly thereafter, decides now is the time to cut loose.
I love her with all my heart. I was a fool for being the way i was. I'm trying like hell to be the person I need to be but i am running out of time and not making any headway. She is extremely hurt and bitter about it all. She is turned off to everything. We go to counseling but she only goes for my sake. She says its no benefit to her and she gets nothing out of it. She says the feelings arent there anymore and that she sees I'm trying but because of past instances, she doesn't see this 'correct' behavior lasting. She feels it would all go back to the way it was if she would take cancel the divorce. I hate to say it but I'm running out of faith
