Yes, ladies, I agree that a big part of my pain is that I didn't have ANY say in getting D or not. My W even started the B-day talk with "You're unhappy, I'm unhappy, why bother trying". So, she decided that I was unhappy all by herself. Not "What can we do to change this state of "unhappiness"", Just that we both should just throw away 25 years and that makes so much sense?
I once read somewhere that if the other person really felt that the reasons they give for wanting out of the R were real, they would notice changes the other S was making and say "Wow, that's great. Maybe it can work after all", NOT "Too little, too late". Proof that we didn't cause them to do this and we can't fix it!
