Yh its time for me to man up and stop this dumb stupid childish self destructive behaviour.
I sat down when I came home and I had a chat with the mrs, just had a casual chat sat there for about 2 hrs chatting away about random things we've done and nothing to do with relationships.. had a good chat she was playong footsie with me at the same time for which I didnt say anything.
Shut up and dont talk about relationship no matter how tempting it is.. ah mrbond I feel im going to fail I always do.. It didnt even last 8hrs.
I'm meant to be learning about dynamics crm 2013 for microsoft as thats what I've been assigned at work but I just sat there whole day reading dobsons love must be tough hence why I wrote that ultimatum message as dobson encourages the chasing spouse to say such to let the trapped spouse out to break them from their need of escaping.
I wish db was an ebook as I would have read it 100 times over now.
And believe me when I say everything changed when she found that book.
Also on right now in bed my mrs kept touching me and tried tickling me.. we play fighted and laughed a lot.
Also why did my old topic get locked is it because you guys given up on me because I failed? I saw a lot of different posters.. its usually yourself, barrybran, 25 and thelaw that helps me.
I am very new to this forum and new to my M falling apart. However, the best thing I have done for myself in terms of understanding what is going on in my situation and gaining a better insight as to where my own shortcomings are is by reading other people's stories. I am almost addicted to these stories now. I pick a person, and I find their original post, and I read. Sometimes these stories fill up a thread, get locked, and start with a new one. Some are on part 5. But I have read the entire story of dozens of people here. What it has done for me is 1) Realize I am not alone 2) Others who are in my shoes have already made the mistakes I have been making, so I am not alone. 3) And most importantly, recognize that the stories people are sharing with you are a tremendous gift. They are giving you a crystal ball with the closest thing you will ever get to a glimpse of your possible futures. Seize that gift and make it count for everything it is worth. No one story will match yours. But many will be similar. The patterns of behavior of the WAS and the LBT will be similar. Learn from what others are doing right and what they have done wrong. Dont make the mistakes they have made and try and emulate what they did correctly.
Like probably every LBS on here, I was petrified at the idea of losing my W and every attempt I knew of to keep her ended in disaster. Only after learning about DBing and reading these stories here did I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel...even if dim. And you know what? An erie calm swept over me. I was no longer in panic mode. I saw a path...a difficult one, but a path. I had something to focus on even if in baby steps. Listen to these guys here. I do not know any of them, but I know they are here to help anyone who needs it, and most have already walked in our shoes and are kind enough to make sure the footprints they leave behind are deep enough for the rest of us newcomers to follow.
Best of luck to you!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
1Wish, as others have mentioned, you need to be able to control yourself. It sounds like the chat you had with her was positive so you know it CAN be done. What can you do when you feel like you're going to say or do something unproductive/controlling/pursuing/needy/etc? Can you go for a walk? Play pool? Listen to music? When you have a bad day at work, how do you calm yourself down?
You need to have awareness of what you say and do, an understanding of what will be harmful to your relationship prospects, and the strength to say to yourself "ok, I'm losing control, I need to exclude myself from this conversation and go away to think about it for a while."
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
"I wish db was an ebook as I would have read it 100 times over now."
Stop making excuses. Just read it.
"And believe me when I say everything changed when she found that book."
It shouldn't matter. As long as you keep the positive changes going, she's going to realize that it's not just lip service on your part.
"Also on right now in bed my mrs kept touching me and tried tickling me.. we play fighted and laughed a lot."
Make note of the positive times because they will change back to negatives quickly. Don't get too wrapped up in them because you will just get more confused when she does change her attitude.
"Also why did my old topic get locked is it because you guys given up on me because I failed? I saw a lot of different posters.. its usually yourself, barrybran, 25 and thelaw that helps me."
It's because your thread reached over 100 posts. Once that happens, the thread will automatically close and you must start a new one.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Ok so I havnt managed ti mess anything up, I had a meeting near her work place and tokk the train with her in the morning and when I finished she asked me to call her on my way back so she could come out for a lil while.. we both just chilled with eachother for around 45 minutes just chatting and enjoying the sun.. I then left and shes been looking at cars we can get that we can share. So hopefully things are going ok.. its way too early still. Shes looking to give me a decision in a month and all she says is if we dont have a divorce its because she doesnt want to hurt me and doesnt know if its a mistake. But she wants to divorce because she feels she would be happier without me. She says she doesnt know how long my changes are going to last.
At the moment she fully believes shes 100% confused and doesnt want to be in this anymore.
She says shes numb and doesnt have any feelings left at all for anything.. thats why she wishes I could move out for a little bit hoping her feelings come back and she can make a informed decision based on her mind and emotions as her minds confused and she has no direction.
Im carrying on doing my thing and detaching but also being friendly.. maybe a bit too much though.
She says shes numb and doesnt have any feelings left at all for anything.. thats why she wishes I could move out for a little bit hoping her feelings come back and she can make a informed decision based on her mind and emotions as her minds confused and she has no direction.
She is telling you exactly what you need to do. Detach and go NC for a month. It will be the hardest thing you do, especially in the first week. Second week will be easier, third even more so. What you need to do is give her the space she needs without you in it. This way she can start to feel the emotions which will benefit you. It also gives her time to stop thinking about everything she doesnt like about you and remember the things she does.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
She says shes numb and doesnt have any feelings left at all for anything.. thats why she wishes I could move out for a little bit hoping her feelings come back and she can make a informed decision based on her mind and emotions as her minds confused and she has no direction.
She is telling you exactly what you need to do. Detach and go NC for a month. It will be the hardest thing you do, especially in the first week. Second week will be easier, third even more so. What you need to do is give her the space she needs without you in it. This way she can start to feel the emotions which will benefit you. It also gives her time to stop thinking about everything she doesnt like about you and remember the things she does.
So I should move out then and give her space, not everyone says this.. mrbond what do you suggest?
