Thank you, TL. You are always the voice of reason.I guess it's just confusing when they push you so far away, want us to let them go, and when we start doing what they want they do something like this.
I have started reading the Rebuilding book - actually started a couple of weeks ago. Got some things to ask you but I have to get to work. Just wanted to acknowledge your response - and thanks for the post on my thread!
Talk with you soon, my friend. Makes me feel good to know you and so many others are there for us all!
Me 59 H47 M12 T22 No kids BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY Filed 2/12/14 OW 11/13 The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
Hi TL! Again, just checking in on you and “Wow!” I’m so happy to learn that you are now dating someone that makes you feel good again. What a wonderful change from the journey of heartache that you’ve gone through. You are inspirational! There is hope! I am still planning to stand a year for my marriage, and am leaving the door ajar for now, but know I may change my mind, too. I pray that someday that I’ll be ready to date as well, IF the opportunity arises, but that’s in Gods hands.
TL, you are such a strong person, ticking off all the items on your list related to your closure, with your house refi being the last one. Knowing me, I would be procrastinating on that last thing, just to have something to hold on to. And it seems as if you’re not looking back, even though maybe your ex is having second thoughts by the touch and goes he does. I’m impressed.
I took your advice to heart about praying every day “May ExH have all the good things in life that I have ever wanted for myself” and I do feel more peaceful, and I do feel it helps to FORGIVE him.
T-boned, I teared up reading the poem you posted. As it says near the end “and yet another day you will return”, if I only knew that he would return, it would be easier GALing in the meantime, but those awful insecurities creep into my thoughts, taking me out of my confidence level (like TL’s seems to be), and setting me back to a few months ago stage of grief. In fact, an email this week of H’s to attorney and copied to me where H wanted to accelerate and expedite the D to be asap, set me into such an emotional tailspin, I could barely get home, into bed and cried out my eyes for a couple of hours. Sorry for high-jacking your thread, TL.
I’m going through more ups and downs on my journey, whereas TL, you seem to be going consistently uphill, getting better. Does anything about your house bother you even a little, with the memories of your marriage being there? I know you changed it up a bit after your H moved out. I think that if I got out of the house that H and I bought together and had dreams of being in "happily ever after, that I might be much better off. I think that H did just that when he moved on: he moved out of house to NEW apartment, all NEW furniture, bought NEW clothes to fit his “new” 50 lb lighter body, so he doesn’t have much to even trigger memories of us. Except for when he drops dogs off at my house, and he happens to see me. This morning he wanted to visit with me about his work. And about friends of his (that I really don’t know) who he saw last weekend. Not sure why he’s even sharing that stuff with me anymore. And I’m trying to keep things light, such as “how about those San Antonio Spurs in last nights game?” (he and I enjoyed watching many an NBA finals game together over the years).
Matt, I feel for your pain, and I hope you are getting better since you’ve last posted on TLs thread. I'm sending good Juju your way, and hope you feel it.
TL as do others, I trust your advice: my divorce will be final on July 8th. My question is this: did you send H a card, or write a brief goodbye letter? I'm thinking of buying a photograph card of Grand Canyon, with no inscription inside an just write something like “im sorry for our ending, and wish you only the best in your new life’s beginning.” Do you think that would be too NOT DB? Unwise? Any thoughts? You are the voice of reason, you know.
Thanks, and once again, sorry for hijacking your topic.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
cczamo - thanks for posting. Yes it is definitely in God's hands. I did procrastinate on the refi, I just applied last night and it is moving forward. I had to talk myself into it, rates are going to go up and I made myself a list in my journal that said "what are you afraid of?" because I felt fear in relation to the refi. I listed what was in my head swirling around about it and thought that's just silly. You HAVE to do this. It isn't going to kill you, not going to land you in jail, either they approve or deny, life goes on then you go to plan B. Nothing to be afraid of there! So I did it. I felt a huge sense of relief. I will have a lot of paperwork and crap to deal with but you know in the end it will all be worth it because it will be MY house, I owe him nothing for it and it's an investment for me. It made me feel proud that I could do this without him. Eff him. hahah yes I still have spurts of anger about this. Still saying the mantra, it does help me with forgiveness and I'm so glad it has helped you too. For your insecurities, make a list of good traits about yourself, read them - believe them. read them over and over every day. Helps to boost your self confidence, remember this isn't about you as far as why he left - you ARE worth it. It's ok to cry, in fact you should always find time to cry and not hold in that grief, that's how you work through it, go for a walk, listen to loud music, exercise, yell, do what works for you just don't' hold it in. As far as the house bothering me, you know it did while he was still living in it before the move out, once he moved out....and i wiped it of most things HIM - now I love it, it is my sanctuary. I moved furniture around, there is not a single picture of him in existence in my house, all the wedding stuff gone, I only have a couple things that remind me of him - the wall clock was his mothers but it's nice so I went ahead and kept it although I may replace it and give it back, there's some garage stuff that he left but i don't spend a lot of time in there and it's useful but eventually i'll clear that out too. I fell into a new routine with my dogs and just feel good when I'm at home, safe. He too took almost nothing and got a new apt and all new furniture etc so good for him. I want to paint but finances are tight when you're paying the mortgage and all the bills and taking care of 5 pets when you used to have a 2 person income for all that. It is what it is! Really trying to not be a "victim" in all this and just get on with living my own life. I know what you mean about them talking to you about THEIR stuff, mine was doing that, he didn't this last Sunday, usually he talks about work and never asks me a thing about anything, completely self centered and I just listen and nod my head and I don't bring up anything. This time he asked me if I was wearing new jeans. I answered yes and that was the extent of it lol. He doesn't compliment but notices things. On your divorce question - NO I absolutely did not send a card or a letter. I wrote a good bye letter for ME in my journal that was to him. Not for him to ever read it was just a way to get out the emotions. Goodbye to snoring, goodbye to mood swings and road rage, good bye to my broken dreams, it went on and on and it did help me heal some. I think that is a personal decision, but I would not do it myself. I thought of it as pursuing. the only time I contact him first is if there was something urgent or D related, and I did email him a Happy Birthday email, and it only said just that, Happy Birthday! Now I don't contact him at all and let him contact me if he needs something. Do you have to go to your D hearing on July 8th? I did not have to go, it was like any other day to me. I went out with friends for a drink and listened to music and felt ok about things. Try and keep yourself in a positive frame of mind. I start counting my blessings when I feel a pity party coming on. I have so much to be thankful for and now that I met someone fun that treats me so well, I feel like wow, God does have a plan for me, and it does not consist of me dwelling on the past. I learned so much from the marriage, just taking the positive stuff with me and learning not to repeat past mistakes. We all hopefully get up that mountain in our own time,at our own pace, we all deal with things in a different way so you'll get there, then there will be a new mountain to climb hugs to you, take care
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
Makes me feel good to know you and so many others are there for us all!