Phoenix slowly rising

[T-boned]

Tad, thanks for your post. Yes, I know what you mean. Even though I think nothing would make me happier than for H to come back and at least try to fix this, there's always that bit of doubt about being able to handle the new reality. I'd like to give it a shot, however, because it could possibly be the thing that propels me into moving on. That's the frustrating thing about all of this - he didn't allow US to make this decision to split.

TL, thanks to you I finally got this thread started. I hope all is going well for you. I've been saying that little mantra of yours every morning and sometimes again later in the day. It does help a little, although I don't feel much resentment towards him,just little bouts of anger and LOTS of cases of 'the misses'. At which point most of the time, my logic kicks in and says, WTF - he's a jerk for leaving someone like you, right now he's not the guy you fell in love with, and he certainly has a lot to figure out for himself. Just let it go. Set him free and if he comes back, deal with it then. In the mean time, I NEED to take care of myself. Something I am not doing a very good job of, IMO, but I am my most harsh critic. My therapist says otherwise -he thinks I'm doing well,but that I have a lot to deal with.
Here's another poem from that book that describes me at the moment:

How I
love you and hate you.

How bound I am to you.
How bound I am to break my bondage.

I want to be free!

I want to be able to
enjoy the day again,

and give me back my nights.

Unfortunately, I think the Phoenix is, at the moment, stuck in the mire!