So the talk started of course as W saying really feels that the baby should be in OM's life and her life as well. I asked W if she was going to continue to be with OM and she said probably. She basically admitted she's too scared to be alone and she's needs somebody. She said since I don't want to be with her in that situation she has to.
I asked W what she really wants at this point. She first said she wishes this never happened. I asked her what about from this point going forward and she said she's never really thought about it. She did say ideally it would be with me.
She has been in contact with OM while she's been there, but she said it's been good to be gone to clear her head.
There was also a lot of blame put my way. She was crying about how I let her go. I shouldn't have let her move out. I should have looked into whether she was having an affair. I should have moved with her three weeks ago when they were broke up. She even said that if we slept together during that period it would have been over between OM and her!!! This is obvious rationalization and blame shifting right?
I tried to stand up for myself, accept responsibility for my faults, and not to defend myself constantly to her. I've told her I can't go back in time and fix things, I can only go forward.
She also mentioned how she hates how a bunch of her family and friends are going to abandon her if she continues with OM. And W said it's not fair the same won't happen to me. I told W that's their decision, not mine. I also told W that I could easily finalize the divorce, give up one her, find somebody else, and nobody would blame me and everybody would be happy for me. But I haven't given up on her. I asked why does she think that is? She responded it's because I lover her.
By the end of the conversation she relented that she is still confused about everything and needs more time to think it over.
Here's my thinking: she is basically swayed by whoever talks to her last. If OM talks to her she wants to do what he wants. If I talk to her she is more open to me.
I think she wants me to pursue her. I didn't do it very well when we first started dating. I didn't do it enough when we were married. I feel like she's just waiting on me to make a move.
I'm considering flying out there for 24 hours to be with her. Somebody talk me out of this... Her mom and sister have been praying non stop about this the past few days. I don't know. I just feel like I should go.
