So I guess this means dropping the rope is no longer the plan. . Somehow I'm not a bit surprised, but I had hoped.
He's playing you for the biggest fool in the world! Wise up woman! You bought all that cr@p about him wanting a slow start. What do you call 20 years?. Wasn't that slow enough for the man?
You are always talking about what you deserve. Well, you deserve him! Have at it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
While you guys think this is wasted, it's far from wasted, on me.
I have manned up I'm working on getting my legal settlement done. My h shows in mm sitch, he's all about what's best for him. Right down to the name calling, hinted promises and blaming me 100% entirely.
This settlement getting mediated, no way do I feel like I can remotely negitate any thing that's fair one on one at home. If he rings I'm meant to pick up, instantly even if not home, i need something, days elapse. It's so one sided I'm not even seeing daylight. I'm working on changing thingsit but its not happening quickly enough for me to do important stuff.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Magic, I wasn't the least bit surprised by your posting and your decision. I knew you couldn't let go and accept that maybe he wouldn't change.
I wish you well w/your "fun and exclusive" relationship w/your business partner. I hope that things will be better for the both of you, more so than the last 20 years. You both have had some time apart and who knows...maybe things will be better. However, I do want to caution you that things may not change and what then? Will you still be there gobbling up his crumbs of attention and be hoodwinked w/his promises of putting your name on the business documents as a partner or even being considered and treated as a partner?
My concern has been that you've never dropped the rope the entire time that you've posted in Newcomers or here and now you are going to be returning to a relationship that is a "convenience" for him and not one for the both of you. I ask that you please be cautious in what you agree to do and if your man doesn't step up to the plate this time around, then it's time to either accept him for who he is and it will never change or move on.
Again, I wish you well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
i see a guy who tried to end a relationship, and now has an x who wont let it go, and he feels pity for her. and being a nice guy, albeit passive aggressive, he says things that he THINKS she'd want to hear, because she's SO desperate and SO needy and they have to interact on a daily basis.
So he says all the breakup cliches: Its not you, it me. If only i were not broken, I'd come back for you. You deserve better than me. I'm working on myself, but dont wait for me, this may take a while. i care for you, but i'm just not ready for a commitment i love you but i just cant give you what you deserve.
but he runs out of cliches, so he tells her he'd dated his dog-walker and is now dating his real-estate agent (leaving out the gory details because he doesnt want to hurt her) and suggests that she should start dating too.
but even that doesnt work, because she has selective hearing.
so whatever "bones" he throws to her is not to keep her latched on to him, but instead to convince her move on already.
and when he sees her finally moving on, he loosens up and jokes around trying to be friendly, even pisses by her, only to have her misinterprets it as him making advances.
in a final act of desperation, he offers her the relationship that she has SWORN she would NEVER accept, only to have it backfire when she actually accepts it.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Everyone (you are right!!)... Except KenF... not accurate.
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Yesterday, I could feel Xbf demoting the "exclusive dating/fun" to "f-buddy type" status. It wasn't working for me & I felt myself grasping at straws to get back what I thought he was offering on Monday. I asked if he would like to have "fun" on the weekend? He said he plans on working and maybe a patio if not too tired. I stated that a girl likes to have some advance notice for a date, he said he can't give that and he will see how tired he is. He said if I needed to make plans elsewhere to go ahead, its not like he will be going out behind my back. If he is not with me, he will be working. Later, he admitted to that convo feeling like pressure & I ensured him that I was not interested in pressuring him. That I was unsure of stuff and wanted to talk & clarify as I am open to coming back from a "giving up" position. He is open to an f-buddy relationship that is exclusive. PROMISE exclusivity. He does worry about someone getting hurt in f-buddy relp's but lets have some fun, life is short, lets not be so serious, see what happens. What happened to the dates? Time spent? He says he still would like to do that but basically he means right now he is h*rny, and has business on the brain. He does not want friends/public to see any of affection or to question if we are back together. I said I understood as its too soon to be pressured to be successful in front of others.
Long story short.
He made his moves on me (FIRST TIME in 10 years). He pulled me in close & started kissing me very passionately. It was AWESOME !!! I pulled back and asked if there was any "feelings" in this moment. He said yes, sexual, and pulled me in for more & was quite touchy & pushing. I stopped & pulled away, and said "no" I realized that he only wants the sex. I went in for a few more kisses (as they were awesome). He repeated my "no?" and I said "no, as in not now". <<<< I needed to get out. I need more!
Then I left and pulled him in for another peck kiss beside my side of the car, outside. He got in his car, and I asked if he was mad? He said no.
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What is wrong with ^^^^^^^^ picture?......... ME!!!
There I go... just about to settle for crumbs. Demoted from exclusive dating, to exclusive f-buddy, no public affection, & make out at work!
After I left, I went straight to a friends house & realized:
NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!
I have never said "no" to him.... not sure how to travel from here.
I will have to work with him at some point today.
I do not know how to kick his arse to the curb, etc.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
haha, of course MM. because that doesnt fit your narrative which you so desperately need to cram and force him into.
which is fine
either way, right or wrong, you're going back to him. you'll pretend to us to pull away, put up a fight, because you love the attention you get here. but ultimately you'll settle for the f-buddy scraps he's throwing at you.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
You are not accurate when you make claims like: he is dating OW, when he is not & has never suggested that I date. <<< this just pisses me off. If you are going to cast an opinion, please be truthful.
Also I am not going to accept the scraps... did you not just read my post? If I wanted to do as such, I would have just hid from all the comments & not bothered to post TRUTH. Truth to which I want to be held accountable.
Xbf expects & wants to keep MM where he can control her. That was our old R. The new MM is at the very least able to "see" things now & is pulling herself back. Not accepting. He is behaving like a little boy trying to push to see what minimum standard he can get away with. I don't have to accept it, and I won't.
Thanks for your vote of confidence.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
He made his moves on me (FIRST TIME in 10 years). He pulled me in close & started kissing me very passionately. It was AWESOME !!! I pulled back and asked if there was any "feelings" in this moment. He said yes, sexual, and pulled me in for more & was quite touchy & pushing. I stopped & pulled away, and said "no" I realized that he only wants the sex. I went in for a few more kisses (as they were awesome). . . .
RED= your WORDS;
GREEN= your ACTIONS
There. How's that for accountability for you, MM? Once again, your WORDS say one thing, and your ACTIONS say another.
You went in for another kiss. You even posted how awesome it was. Yes you did not give him any cake that much is true. As Starsky pointed out your actions do not match your words.
I have few questions (hopefully I do not get banned for this)...the answers are for you.
1) How many sexual partners have you had before your XBF?
2) How many Good partners have you had? Good is defined as you "getting off".
3) Do you feel that if someone sleeps with you that they love you?
4) Do you love yourself?
5) Is your "whooha" valuable to you? Or do you just hand it out? FTR, I am not judging.
Here is what I see...in your latest post.
Either XBF has a huge pecker and can get you off to the point that your head spins around like Linda Blair in the exorcist....OR you truly do not value yourself at all.
Why in the h*ll would you go in for another kiss...no matter how good it was? What does that say about YOU. IMO, your either really in need of "some" and you are willing to give up your power completely to get some. Personally, I would invest in batteries - they probably last longer and you do not have to sell your soul to "get off".
You ask how can I leave him.
The answer is simple - Tell him to Go F*ck off. Tell him that you will not be his personal f-buddy. And even if he has a pecker the size of king kong and can use it better than any porn star....I still say .....Hey XBF - Go F yourself.
You still have not learned.
You still do not have the self worth that you need to make it.
DB talks about trying what works. Have you? IMO, no. Your fear is loosing him is stronger than the self humiliation that you are putting yourself through.
A lot of poster have said this to you....
Respect yourself
Get your share of the business
Then Go live your life.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
. Somehow I'm not a bit surprised, but I had hoped. 