Controversial Option. Apologising for causing an a

[25yearsmlc]

Oh without a doubt, the lies, justifications in front of proof and the cornered rat behaviour sometimes has been absolutely shocking.
It's the arrogance that she has despite living this secret life that she's obviously ashamed of that makes me shake my head.

Well I think you are missing the boat here, in a couple of ways.

First, this whole message thing (which you did NOT need to tell her), is at odds with your whole apology letter and intent behind it. How can she reconcile what appears to be a vindictive act on your part, with the whole "I know I played a role in pushing you into the arms of OM"...??

Second, it DOES come off badly for YOU. It means you do snoop, you hold onto "evidence" so you can use it against her which means you are NOT LIKLEY to ever forgive her or move past this.

It's the opposite of "KEEPING THE ROAD HOME, PAVED & SMOOTH"...

you have to figure out if you really want to save this m....b/c I think you are getting ready for a divorce and wanting to make yourself look like the victim and she like the bad guy. How does that help anyone?

Lose the score card. She has her own scorecard and on hers, YOU are not ahead.

Finally, every single woman I know who has had an affair, has felt justified!! They hid it b/c they were "being sensitive" not b/c they are ashamed. Not necessarily at all.

it's not a "sex only" thing, that some men can pull off and keep doing.

For most women (not all, but most and surely yours)--
the affair means something vital to them, was missing in their marriage.

That does not excuse their behavior but to them, they are reacting to a loss in their marriage and to them, they are doing what they must do to be happy.

If I were in her shoes and had justified the relationship, then I felt you'd basically shoved me into the arms of OM. IF I then I got your letter, I might ponder it and I might have second thoughts about my choice and maybe you CAN change...

b/c NO WAS goes back to a lonely marriage, unless they believe the

marriage can be better/different than before.

So to see THIS NOTE about how you "exposed" her to others and that it's b/c you had stored up her "sins" on your devices...

would make ME feel like filing.

I'd believe my h had cornered me to shame me, and no spouse goes home in shame, and stays...

If it were me, I'd say "Oh, so you think it's a sleazy 'AFFAIR' & telling everyone is fine? NO, it's not. It's LOVE and it's the REAL thing and I've been so unhappy for so long and this 'exposure' proves you are a controlling vindictive guy"

and she'll get her score card out, etc....

I'm so sorry, but I think this is NOT a good thing for you or your cause.