Wife in MLC and getting ready to leave #5

[25yearsmlc]

Matt

of course you should be seeing an IC. You're very stressed and very angry. Although those emotions are unsurprising, they're also not healthy to have around for long periods of time.

From your description, there have been years of weird behaviors and stressors and depression in your w, and I cannot imagine it not affecting YOU. (Which begs the question, "Why are you 'so shocked' by all this?")

She's not acting out of the blue, in her eyes.

What she believes is that she has been unhappy for a long time. And you'd agree with that, I think. I am not a shrink but I can guess at her motivations...

So the open wound in her heart, (her dad's rejection of her) seemed like a causal factor in the depression (like you said.) Then lo & behold, he shows up to fix it all!! Her reaction and desire to "get it right THIS time", does not surprise me.
It's her attempt at healing and getting closure. But Matt, I'm just GUESSING...and

YOU MAY NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY SHE IS DOING WHAT SHE IS DOING...

Yet you still must accept it. THAT can be hard to wrap your brain around but it's reality.

Part of GAL is taking care of yourself. You really cannot GAL or detach if you are unwell yourself.

We've all been there and done that.

My h had been put thru A LOT of stressful schooling i.e., veterinary school and THEN medical school AND then residency and THEN a crazy fellowship he did not need... and THEN he HAD to live in Alaska...again! Not what a rational person does, imo.

Who do you think raised our kids? ME. I worked full time after putting myself thru law school and college. And I did all the child care activities too, and in all those years of work and raising kids, and kids getting sick, I cannot say for sure that he ever took a day off work to stay at home with the kids (not counting their hospital stays and surgeries).

So, We really do "get it". It's not fair. It's not understandable to US.

So Maybe Al Anon meetings will help you let go - b/c you are still trying to control things more than you realize.

Letting go of what we cannot control anyhow, is really hard but SO freeing.