Today has been up and down. I fluctuate between feeling ok and then feeling upset about my sitch.
I'm curious if the recent contact from WAW has my mind running again. Or, if I'm still just coming to grips with the sitch itself.
Sometimes I wonder how long I can hang in there. I miss affection from another human being. I think I need to work harder at pacifying myself, being ok alone with my thoughts. I need to realize that my happiness needs to come from within, not from a relationship.
I remain hopeful that I can work things out with WAW. But, when does hopeful become naive?
Some things that I've noticed since bomb that are probably influencing my hopefulness:
* WAW still has tons of her and her daughter's stuff at my house * WAW still lists me as her partner on FB. (WAW is a FB junkie so it's not like she forgot to remove me) * WAW reached out to me via text after exactly 30 days no contact. She started the text about needing to find time to get her things but then started asking questions about me and being friendly. She didn't bring up picking up her things again.
I'm torn between two trains of thought:
1. WAW is just using this time to slowly detach from me before she feels mentally strong enough to get her things and then remove me from FB and move on with her life. 2. WAW isn't sure about the breakup, maybe wants to explore being single while keeping me at arm's length while she decides. It doesn't appear that she is too worried about me moving on even though I went NC after the bomb and never initiated contact with her.
Perhaps I'm just thinking irrationally and need to let the chips fall where they may.
