choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

[cczamo]

Hi TL! Again, just checking in on you and “Wow!” I’m so happy to learn that you are now dating someone that makes you feel good again. What a wonderful change from the journey of heartache that you’ve gone through. You are inspirational! There is hope! I am still planning to stand a year for my marriage, and am leaving the door ajar for now, but know I may change my mind, too. I pray that someday that I’ll be ready to date as well, IF the opportunity arises, but that’s in Gods hands.

TL, you are such a strong person, ticking off all the items on your list related to your closure, with your house refi being the last one. Knowing me, I would be procrastinating on that last thing, just to have something to hold on to. And it seems as if you’re not looking back, even though maybe your ex is having second thoughts by the touch and goes he does. I’m impressed.

I took your advice to heart about praying every day “May ExH have all the good things in life that I have ever wanted for myself” and I do feel more peaceful, and I do feel it helps to FORGIVE him.

T-boned, I teared up reading the poem you posted. As it says near the end “and yet another day you will return”, if I only knew that he would return, it would be easier GALing in the meantime, but those awful insecurities creep into my thoughts, taking me out of my confidence level (like TL’s seems to be), and setting me back to a few months ago stage of grief. In fact, an email this week of H’s to attorney and copied to me where H wanted to accelerate and expedite the D to be asap, set me into such an emotional tailspin, I could barely get home, into bed and cried out my eyes for a couple of hours. Sorry for high-jacking your thread, TL.

I’m going through more ups and downs on my journey, whereas TL, you seem to be going consistently uphill, getting better. Does anything about your house bother you even a little, with the memories of your marriage being there? I know you changed it up a bit after your H moved out. I think that if I got out of the house that H and I bought together and had dreams of being in "happily ever after, that I might be much better off. I think that H did just that when he moved on: he moved out of house to NEW apartment, all NEW furniture, bought NEW clothes to fit his “new” 50 lb lighter body, so he doesn’t have much to even trigger memories of us. Except for when he drops dogs off at my house, and he happens to see me. This morning he wanted to visit with me about his work. And about friends of his (that I really don’t know) who he saw last weekend. Not sure why he’s even sharing that stuff with me anymore. And I’m trying to keep things light, such as “how about those San Antonio Spurs in last nights game?” (he and I enjoyed watching many an NBA finals game together over the years).

Matt, I feel for your pain, and I hope you are getting better since you’ve last posted on TLs thread. I'm sending good Juju your way, and hope you feel it.

TL as do others, I trust your advice: my divorce will be final on July 8th. My question is this: did you send H a card, or write a brief goodbye letter? I'm thinking of buying a photograph card of Grand Canyon, with no inscription inside an just write something like “im sorry for our ending, and wish you only the best in your new life’s beginning.” Do you think that would be too NOT DB? Unwise? Any thoughts? You are the voice of reason, you know.


Thanks, and once again, sorry for hijacking your topic.