This, That and The Other

[labug]

Thanks for checking in, Bright!

Life goes on, good happens, not so good happens. I'm more able now to just roll with it, the ups and downs of life. I've let go of the thought that when X happens, then I'll be happy. I can choose to be happy. I continue to look for things to be grateful for everyday.

On the gratitude front, S21 has been opening up more to us about his MH issues and has agreed to see a different therapist. H and I have thought for a while that it's a needed change but S21 wasn't there yet. Now he says he is. We are optimistic but will keep expectations in check. As H reminded me, baby steps.

An interesting thing happened this past weekend. H is in the process of applying for his passport. Our S24 is living in Canada now and we have plans to visit him there this summer. No reservations yet, just plans. In my previous life, I would have been on H daily about getting the passport work done. Now!

I haven't asked or reminded him of it and he's been getting things together and had an appt on Sat to turn the paperwork, pay the fee, etc.

Saturday morning he realizes he can't find his birth certificate. I could feel the anxiety (it's a very real physical "sick" feeling in the pit of the stomach) growing. So I took some deep breaths and just let it be. I offered to help him look but didn't allow his distress to become my distress. I don't want to make it sound like it was easy but I just kept coming back to me.

Interesting side note, we keep all those important things in a firebox and I remember getting in there for something not long after H moved out and his BC wasn't there. I can remember feeling very sad about that and thinking "He really means it, he took his BC!"

H looked various places and couldn't find it, so canceled his appt and then started the process to get a copy from Ohio. Which will take some time. I stayed out of it, completely.

I didn't comment, I didn't correct, I didn't preach. I asked myself how important is this? There's nothing driving when we go other than weather, so it may be fall and not summer. The anxiety came and went and at the end of the day no one was angry or hurt. H said at one point "I should have looked before today." He didn't need me to point that out to him. I used to think it was necessary for me to point out these things to others, to teach them a lesson. It isn't. People learn what they need to learn when they're ready to learn. Haranguing just gets in the way of the process and creates conflict.

This is not just me putting a good face on things. There was a moment or 2 of disappointment but maybe there's a reason we're supposed to go later. I'll roll with it. I have that choice.

I finished the MBSR course. It was a great experience for me. I'm now taking Tai chi and what a mental and physical workout that is! It looks so slow and fluid but it wakes up brain cells and muscles that I haven't used in years. This was another happy coincidence, a friend and I were looking for a class to take together and this was one that worked for both of our schedules. I'm really enjoying it and can feel those new neural pathways happening.

I know a lot of folks are still in the thick of BD aftermath, just keep coming back to you. Let others have their lives, their issues, their problems.

Keep looking inward, it's the only place we can find happiness.