Continuing my DB'ing journey...

[woundedfool]

I am really struggling. IRL I am pretty great and strong but here and behind closed doors I am really struggling with detaching.

It may sound elementary (or totally OCD/Crazy). But I found when I had trouble detaching (my head would start spinning with thoughts of what W was doing with OM, et al).... I would just stop what I was doing, Go somewhere quiet, and just repeat to myself (out loud). "let go".

Like I said... sounds crazy, but it helped.

I received a call from my lawyer today that his lawyer is stating my H refuses to return my premarital possessions.

Your L should be giving you thoughts/options on the likelihood of that stuff getting returned. Do not pick a fight with H.

We have not discussed divorce once since he just said he had talked to a lawyer and was seeing his options. It's like a big elephant in the room that he doesn't ever mention anything

Good, leave that to your L, as I said before: Let her do the "dirty work". No need to ruffle his feathers with D discussion between the two of you. Again, don't pick a fight.

Also, the elephant is only as big and as white as YOU make it out to be. Part of acting "as if" is being able to turn that elephant into a fruit fly.

I am trying to better myself and not let him bring me down but I can't help but feel tremendous guilt. I feel guilt that I did things in my marriage that made him unhappy enough to leave and engage in another relationship.

Yep, so did I. But until Doc Brown actually creates a "flex capacitor"... you can not go back in time and change anything.

All you can do is learn from your history, and to learn from your mistakes.