Reflecting a lot on the anger issue and it really, really worries me. Initially when BD I was so hurt, that overwhelmed the anger. But lately I've felt more and more angry and like I really want to lash out at H. Intellectually I know this is counterproductive but I don't trust myself. I'm not sure why the anger is surfacing so much now. I suppose I am getting more and more frustrated as time passes. I can't help but get my hopes up as he warms to me and then inevitably I am let down because he's still not really interested in fully reconciling. I think he's taking steps, very little baby steps, towards reconciling but obviously not fully there yet. It's really frustrating. I will have to work really, really hard to get myself into a PMA. I see H today for D's pre-school graduation and we might go to dinner afterwards. While I think spending time together serves to draw him in I am starting to question if it's good for my own mental health. Inevitably it gets my hopes up, then I am let down, then the anger comes. I have been good about not unleashing on H thus far but it's definitely a very precarious situation.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
