It feels counterintuitive but you can do this 1Wish. You really can.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
"how can I make myself detach to a point I dont care what happens?"
BY READING THE BOOKS!
Seriously, you want to be spoon fed the answers without understanding why. Everyone has done the work. You need to do the same.
The books says GAL and I went to see 3 of my friends that I havnt seen for awhile and went to eat.. but all I could do was think about her and the situation.
My friends dont know whats happening apart from a selected few and the ones I saw yesterday dont know.. but boy did they see it in my face or what.
One of them asked hows everything and hows married life and I had to lie and it killed.. killed so bad mrbond.. I felt like breaking down and crying.
Right I spoke to one of her friends whos saying that I should move out and give her space to make her decision as she feels nothing right now and its my best chance of keeping her as if im not there it will make her miss me and bring out the feelings again as shes now 'numb'
Do you guys think I should move out and give her space?
Do you guys think I should move out and give her space?
If she thinks she needs time/space and that she can't live with you right now, she should be the one to find other living arrangements. My W came to me 8 mos ago proposing that we both take turns staying at the house. I accommodated her wishes even though I had no desire to S. It took me 5 mos (and the help of this board) to realize that W was just cake eating and that I shouldn't have left the house in the first place.
1Wish, did you want to separate? Do you want to move out?
Act in a manner consistent with your choices while respecting your wife's opinions and feelings. In a nutshell, think about what your wife says, think about what you want and make your own decision based on what is best for YOU.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
1Wish, did you want to separate? Do you want to move out?
Act in a manner consistent with your choices while respecting your wife's opinions and feelings. In a nutshell, think about what your wife says, think about what you want and make your own decision based on what is best for YOU.
I dont want to seperate because I dont think ill be able to make her see me changing. And I just dont want to go I will miss her.
I also dont want to move out and im not on the tenancy remember so if anyone has to go it has to be me. Besides she hasnt got anywhere else to go.
My wife wants space as we all clearly gathered, but I want to give space while im still there.
BUT.. if theres more chance of her heart reigniting our love by me giving her space I would do it.. she says itll be about three weeks to come to a decision...
I messed up big time.. I failed my goal in less than 8 hrs ffs!!!
1/06 15:27] *HER*: Im fine i dnt need easier [11/06 15:27] *ME*: U wont have 2 pay rent plus u get more space for urself [11/06 15:28] *ME*: U said u wanted space as well [11/06 15:29] *ME*: Its not enough but I guess its something [11/06 15:29] *HER*: Yh this isnt xactly apace [11/06 15:29] *ME*: I no [11/06 15:29] *ME*: U want me 2 move out [11/06 15:29] *ME*: I dnt no wer ill go [11/06 15:29] *HER*: We will c wen the tym goes not point goin into such detail as of yst [11/06 15:30] *HER*: Tbh u can get a room like how i lived at sues.. How can u not afford that? U mke it out like ur super vulnerable or sumink [11/06 15:30] *ME*: I wont b able 2 afford it [11/06 15:30] *ME*: I aint vulnerable [11/06 15:30] *ME*: I can go mums but with mums ill get poisoned [11/06 15:30] *ME*: But if u decide to end it then it wont matter [11/06 15:30] *HER*: I used to earn 500 how did i afford it *ME*!! [11/06 15:31] *HER*: Wots rng wiv u man up!!! [11/06 15:31] *HER*: Ther are room for £80 [11/06 15:31] *HER*: Howcan u not afford that??? [11/06 15:31] *ME*: If we did end it to be honest I rather go to mums coz then I would have family around me to help me get over u [11/06 15:31] *HER*: U allow urself to get poisoned [11/06 15:31] *ME*: It wouldnt matter [11/06 15:32] *ME*: N tbh even If I did maybe its a good thing as it will help me get over u faster [11/06 15:32] *HER*: Uno wot this is y i hate talkin to u but i feel like i have to coz if i come on whatsapp ur gna start chatin shyt! [11/06 15:32] *HER*: Im done [11/06 15:32] *HER*: Bye [11/06 15:32] *ME*: But I make my own decisions n I have my own mind [11/06 15:32] *HER*: Then u wonder y im off with u... I have to have these depressing talks every fuckin day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [11/06 15:32] *ME*: Wot do u want me to say that I will forever wait for u.. u think thats fair [11/06 15:33] *ME*: If we have a divorce I will do all I can to get over u [11/06 15:33] *ME*: I will do all I can to take u out my heart [11/06 15:33] *ME*: Im not talking depressing talks im talking real talks [11/06 15:33] *HER*: I want u to get ova me u fink i want u to wait?? [11/06 15:33] *ME*: Then whats the problem [11/06 15:33] *ME*: Coz I wont wait [11/06 15:34] *ME*: This is my waiting period right now [11/06 15:34] *HER*: This is the type of talks we have all the tym fucks sake y cant u just let oneday go by without making everyone n eveythin around u depressed!! [11/06 15:34] *HER*: I dont care f u dnt wait i dnt want u to [11/06 15:34] *HER*: As far as im concerned u can get with someone noe! I dnt care [11/06 15:34] *HER*: Dnt think i want u to wait and get it twosted liked u do [11/06 15:34] *ME*: I dnt [11/06 15:34] *HER*: Just leave me the [censored] alone [11/06 15:34] *ME*: I no [11/06 15:35] *HER*: Fuckin helll [11/06 15:35] *ME*: I wont get with no one for atleast a yr n a half I was married u wernt my girlfriend [11/06 15:35] *HER*: I nt care of u dnt thats ur problem [11/06 15:35] *ME*: What kind of human u think I am [11/06 15:35] *HER*: A beast! [11/06 15:35] *ME*: U can do whatever u want [11/06 15:35] *HER*: Ur twisted in the head [11/06 15:35] *HER*: I will do woteer i want [11/06 15:36] *ME*: Thats fine I dont expect u not 2 [11/06 15:36] *HER*: Seriously this is just making my blood boil leave me alone... Wait coz u dt understand enhlish ima just block u [11/06 15:36] *HER*: So bye!!! [11/06 15:36] *ME*: Kl.. I dont mind to be honest I was just telling u ill go back 2 mums [11/06 15:42] *ME*: U dnt have 2 msg me wen u come whatsapp its fine I promise [11/06 15:42] *ME*: I wont say nuffin [11/06 15:43] *HER*: U always hav sumink to say i [11/06 15:43] *HER*: Im so sick of it! [11/06 15:43] *ME*: Not anymore *HER* [11/06 15:43] *ME*: Its not the same anymore [11/06 15:44] *HER*: Keeping tabs on me checking myn n henis itemised billing wtf [11/06 15:44] *ME*: Better than lieing [11/06 15:44] *HER*: U keep sayin dat but ur actions dnt prove that [11/06 15:44] *HER*: So what diff does it mke whether i lie or tell the truth [11/06 15:44] *ME*: Who knows what u done [11/06 15:44] *ME*: I just stopped asking [11/06 15:45] *HER*: Now u just check ryt get pple to do some dirty wrk for u [11/06 15:45] *ME*: U say u went by urself to a coffee shop but that dnt make sense [11/06 15:45] *ME*: But I dnt care anymore [11/06 15:45] *HER*: Does it not? Y not? [11/06 15:46] *ME*: U said it urself u dnt no what ur capable of anymore.. u also said u dnt no what u can or cant do.. n u dont know why u cant be honest anymore [11/06 15:46] *HER*: So whats dat got to do wiv a coffee? [11/06 15:46] *ME*: It dont matter forget it [11/06 15:46] *ME*: I dnt wna talk about it [11/06 15:47] *HER*: Oooh do u not [11/06 15:47] *ME*: It doesnt matter 2 me [11/06 15:47] *ME*: U can do what u want [11/06 15:47] *ME*: I aint gna stop u [11/06 15:47] *HER*: So wen u wana talk abt it its fine wen i ask u sumink it dnt marter [11/06 15:47] *HER*: Wotever man u myt not stop but i kno wot ur duin [11/06 15:47] *ME*: Ok fine ill answer ur question [11/06 15:47] *HER*: Just kno dat [11/06 15:47] *ME*: Trust me *HER* im not the same person [11/06 15:47] *HER*: I kno dat [11/06 15:47] *ME*: U can think what u want [11/06 15:48] *ME*: U can do wat u wany [11/06 15:48] *HER*: I kno dat [11/06 15:48] *HER*: Y u repeating urself? [11/06 15:49] *ME*: The thing is about coffee... if u were by urself u wldve said... I dnt no wot u did n I stopped assuming or thinking what u did.. I just dont believe u thats it [11/06 15:49] *ME*: I dnt think u were with anyone [11/06 15:49] *ME*: N I dont think u were by urself [11/06 15:49] *ME*: I jus choose not 2 care anymore [11/06 15:49] *HER*: So.... [11/06 15:49] *HER*: Whts wiv u heckun my bills and hennies and keeping tabs?? [11/06 15:50] *HER*: U sure ur words match ur actions? Coz from this angle thats nt the case [11/06 15:51] *ME*: *HER*, I’ve been through some very tough moments since you decided to want a divorce, you know. My love for you is so profound that I just couldn’t face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can’t be done. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I’m reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage and, obviously, I have to let you go. I’m aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me last year. You are free to go. If you leave me, then I will accept your decision. I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I’m going to make it. The Lord has been with me thus far, and He’ll go with me in the future. You and I had some wonderful times together, *HER*. You were my first real love, and I’ll never forget the memories that we shared. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead. [11/06 15:52] *ME*: That day forth *HER* my sense of willingness to try ended [11/06 15:55] *ME*: Im in a state where if you want to stay with me I will do all I can to make you happy and love you til eternity, if you dont then I wont stop you, but I wont try and keep u no more. Theres no more of me trying all im going to do is change for myself and better myself as a person. And ive been trying to do that which im very proud of myself for. I am not doing anything for you anymore.. im here if you need me.. im here if you want me.. but I wont be here forever unless you choose to be with me.. the choice is yours
First of all, why do you two text these things? These type of conversations are never supposed to be in text format (you shouldn't be having them at all, but you don't learn)!
From a previous post you say that she spit on you and assaulted you? One should never stay with an abuser. Secondly, and maybe this is a generation thing, from her texts she sounds ignorant (then again, your texts do too). Why, exactly, would you even want this girl in your life? Sounds like you have some major self esteem issues.....
From your actions, and your total disregard for the advice you receive on here, you are literally writing the book on how to drive your spouse away as fast as possible. I've told you before and I'll tell you again: get a hold of yourself! Stop with trying to argue, whine, cajole and beg her back into your life. It's just plain UNATTRACTIVE! In fact, it's extremely repulsive. If you want your W to run into someone else's arms, then keep up the good work.
