good that your husband is telling you what (he finds) you do wrong - take it to heart - listen - and as far as he is right, perhaps you can adjust your behavior a bit. The truth will be somewhere in the middle, where you both have expressed yourselves, and come to an arrangement.
good on you for finding a counselor - you actually sound like my W with the controlling and wanting to do everything yourself ... what sort of therapy or school does this person follow?
your trick of slowing down your reactions - observing yourself - is good too - you are not always right, you know... - and other people have perhaps a different POV or way of doing things, equally valid. And pride (perhaps they resent your telling them they are "wrong"?) can be wounded by too much controlling. But you know this.
