It's a better day

[adinva]

Thanks Barb. It is so sad for all involved.

I left out more that I can remember. I said a couple of times that getting some distance at times like this is good. I said I've been text bombed like that and just shut my phone off to get some space.

I said after you get some distance and things settle down you can maybe see what's good or what was reasonable. For example, H does know a lot about fixing brakes and it seems reasonable that he'd feel a comfort level about being involved in getting them done. S said "I have friends that take auto shop in school and I've done a lot of brakes and know what I'm doing as much as he does." I was like, wow, well that's impressive and I did not know that before, and dad probably didn't either. I suggested that I hoped and I know H hoped that he could spend time together so maybe doing the brake pads--- S said no I'm not going to, and also H continued the text conversation by saying he was going to go ahead and do it himself without S16 because he needed to be in charge as a safety issue.

I go back and forth on whether it's necessary to journal every detail I can remember. Some people write every bit of back and forth and I sit here and think they are mired in the details and that's making it harder for them to make progress by seeing and processing the bigger picture. For me, I have trouble remembering details and then I fill in with what I think I remember and then I'm making stuff up. So if I capture it as accurately as I can, then I have a better chance of seeing it accurately from a different perspective later on. So I'm not trying to fixate on what a rotten H or anything, just trying to get a good snapshot of what my son is really saying and feeling right now and what I've said so far in response. I'm trying not to lead the attack on H, I feel pretty bad that there is anything to attack, but S is really really mad and hurt. I wish I could make it better but he's almost a grownup himself and learning to handle stuff and talk about it is great, it's what he needs to learn.

I think it's like the book How to Talk so your kid will listen and listen so they will talk (which I know isn't exactly the right title but close), they say teens need less to hear what you have to say and they need more to be listened to with the faith that you know they have a good head on their shoulders and can figure stuff out.

That may be so but I'd trade all this life-lesson cr*p for one great Dr Oz dad for my kids. I see a guy around who seems like a nice guy and he blended a family with a total of close to 10 kids, most of them schoolage, and he's a strong leader and a fun guy and involved in the kids' activities, and I kept thinking in the back of my mind, wow, what kind of a guy signs up for THAT? and where do I find one of those? lol