Continuing my DB'ing journey...

[woundedfool]

But I felt after 3 months H should know

Sorry, my quiz is coming off very poorly.

You feeling he "should know" is mind reading.

[woundedfool]

So I just got a nasty text from H. As you know H will not come to the house when I am home so he would just come when he saw my work car was not there. Well now that it's summer he has to text me to ask if I am working or not.

Well I responded that I was working but the boys wouldn't be home from 530-730 (first day of basketball). I get a text saying how it's unfair that he has to let me know if he picks them up and takes them somewhere. Basically just blaming on me that it's not fair I take them and don't tell him. Yet he will go a week without talking to them or asking about them but now he wants to know where they are. He is just trying to control whatever he can and take his anger out on me I feel like

I just told him I do not make you tell me I ask you nicely to let me know and I said I am not arguing with you. To which he replied he just would like to know. I said okay and that communication was a 2 way street and that I just found out about the basketball practice at 1pm

Not sure what else I could have done. I am sick of him treating me disrespectfully and only talking to me when he needs something and expects an immediate response and it to be exactly what he wants. He can't even say hello or be courteous in talking about the boys

For now, just kill him with kindness.

Apologize, and ask what he suggests would be a better solution? Maybe even mention you have no issues with him coming over when you are there. (As long as you really can handle it).

[T384]

I'm sorry kind of hard to read through the internet and my mind isn't always on point when I'm at work. My apologies!

He knows I have no problem with him coming over and he's done it twice in the past and I've been calm cool collected no R talk no anything besides hey how are you. He says he doesn't want to be around me and it's better to avoid a problem from occurring.

He was nasty with me tonight threatening me with L taking the kids. I just replied I was not going to argue with him. I'm sorry that I work in an intensive care unit with life and death and cannot respond immediately to every text. He continued to go on about how I sometimes respond immediately when I need something but then I ignore him. I just said I'm sorry you feel that way but it's hit or miss if I have my phone on me I try to respond when it's about the kids as quick as possible but that's not always the case

I then sent him my work schedule for the next 6 weeks so there will be no isse and he can come when I am not home.

[T384]

But I felt after 3 months H should know

Sorry, my quiz is coming off very poorly.

You feeling he "should know" is mind reading.

I'm sorry I didn't mean it as he should know like in his mind he should realize this I meant he should be made aware that our S is hurting. That I shouldn't keep the information and crying from him.

[T384]

So went ahead and textd H my schedule for the next 6 weeks so there will be no issue. I tried to do this in the past and he said let's take it one week at a time. This was when he was acting like there would be R. Now he's so far gone. Moving his R with OW to Facebook now. Guess the cats out of the bag and things are steam rolling now.

[woundedfool]

So went ahead and textd H my schedule for the next 6 weeks so there will be no issue. I tried to do this in the past and he said let's take it one week at a time.

So, when you do something, think back to physics... Specificaly, Newtons 3rd law (For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction).

If he responds to your schedule text.... How will you respond to him?

This was when he was acting like there would be R. Now he's so far gone. Moving his R with OW to Facebook now. Guess the cats out of the bag and things are steam rolling now.

Noted, but how does this impact you, or where you are headed?

[T384]

It impacts me by affecting my overall hopefulness. That is due to the fact that I am not detached enough... His reactions or lack of reactions still affect me. He does not know this but behind closed doors it really upsets me and I still cry about it. I know that it's not a competition but I cannot compete when he and this teenager paste their flirtation all over social media and are secretly hanging out and spending every minute together. He spends his weekends with her and her family that he is living with on their boat.

My DB coach was kind of wishy washy on advice and I feel like I learn more here.

He said thank you to the schedule text last night and I just said you're welcome and we haven't talked since.

[woundedfool]

It impacts me by affecting my overall hopefulness. That is due to the fact that I am not detached enough...

That's exactly it, keep detaching.

Your homework for tonight: I am on my phone, so I can't post a link, but google livestong (the old lance Armstrong organization) and detachment.... they had a really good read on detachment.

His reactions or lack of reactions still affect me. He does not know this but behind closed doors it really upsets me and I still cry about it.

Yep..... took me at least 6 months to be able to go a full day without crying.

Iknow that it's not a competition but I cannot compete when he and this teenager paste their flirtation all over social media and are secretly hanging out and spending every minute together. He spends his weekends with her and her family that he is living with on their boat.

Right, not a competition.... once they need the boat, he's back to the couch. Hopefully he can aspire to a studio apt in the next few years. Maybe she can snapchat, or tweet she got to hang out with him during lunch at summer school.

He said thank you to the schedule text last night and I just said you're welcome and we haven't talked since.

Excellent, don't expect to. When the next text/question/whatever comes up.... answer in a reasonable amount of time & be nice.

[T384]

As always I can always count on you. Are you available for telephone consultations

He actually has been going out with the boss boss wife and daughter. Pretty strange to me but AS IF right!

I will google that article. Keep all the sound advice coming

[Georgiabelle]

TO,

Reading your posts make me sad. Your h's behavior is a reflection of him-not you. It isn't a competition because an 18 yr old can't compete with you.

Now I admit I am extremely logical and that is not always a good thing in situations like this. Let's look at it from this perspective. Your 30 yr old husband is sleeping at his boss's house and having an affair with an 18 yr old. He left a wife who is working 2 jobs to support their 2 young boys while being the full time parent. Regardless of what happens, he can never get this time back with his boys and he has done a great deal of damage. Will the 18 yr old be dealing with that damage? No. Will the boss and his wife be dealing with that damage? Nope.

Hijack alert next..... I'm a 42 yr old mother of 3 kids with a full time job and full time parenting responsibilities. My h decided his life changed when we had kids and mine didn't (that's a direct quote). He has abandoned his family, his parents, says his former friends look * old*, and has a just turned 28 yr old girlfriend in vet school. They hang out with his *best friends* who are a 26 yr old guy and his 25 yr old fiancé. My h thinks he looks cool right now and is living life " full tilt boogey." Really? My kids would disagree. And I have ZERO desire to compete with this lifestyle. He said he quit his old life of responsibilities and obligations and has a new "college" lifestyle. I have said zilch about any of this. Why? Because it's on him. I can work on me and you can work on you. However, I love my kids and have no desire to try to recapture something that can't be or redo something that cannot be redone. I'm willing to bet the 18 yr old is desperate for attention and I know for a fact the 28 yr old is.

You cannot control what your h does. I understand that his behavior is hurtful. Listen to wounded fool. Your h thinks he's finally living, and he is really missing out. Will he come to realize what he's done? No one knows. You cannot control that either. Live the best life you can and be the best you can be. You are setting an example for your boys because they are watching.

Hang in there:)