Also, in regards to "if he walks that may be a breaking point." He has already walked-just not physically.
If you're not familiar with either of these, I'd strongly encourage anyone following along to look up two things: one is a movie scene, and the other is a famous quote. I have over the years noticed that both of these, when applied to a betrayed spouse's mindset, can have a SIGNIFICANT impact on how successful you ultimately are in DBing.
DBing is a set of concepts, strategies and tactics. What I'm referring to is more your overall PARADIGM -- how you view yourself, and the trauma you've just received.
The first, is "The Stockdale Paradox":
STOCKDALE PARADOX:
"You must retain faith that you can prevail to greatness in the end, while retaining the discipline to confront the brutal facts of your current reality."
Admiral James Stockdale was shot down in Viet Nam and imprisoned in the "Hanoi Hilton" for almost eight years. He was also its highest-ranking officer. He writes about his experience in his book, In Love and War. How did he survive while others did not? "Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties." He adds, however, what distinguishes his position from simple "optimism" - and formulates what has become known as the Stockdale Paradox: "and confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
This is the critical difference which guards against the endless disappointment that optimism’s carrots' evasiveness create - until, maybe, the reward in the end. On the other hand, an ability to continue making realistic assessments of one's current life situation measures and apportions one’s energies and reserves to better face each challenge as it comes, thus positioning one with a stronger chance to prevail.
