This post will sound familiar, since nothing has changed. Chuck, I wish she were testing, but that's not where she is.
W is going slowly with OM3. He's a multi-millionaire. He's been separated for 5 years. Sounds like neither he nor his W want to split the money by finalizing a D. Good luck, W.
Meanwhile, W has maxed out her CC and is livid with me because I won't give her money we don't have. Keeping her just under her limit is the only way I can get her to hold to a budget. Controlling? He11 ya. But what's my alternative. Seems OM3 isn't giving her any money, though.
I attempted to get her involved in finances last night, by going over a year's worth of cashflow, and pointing out the problem we have to solve, and asking for her help with a solution. It was, of course, pointless. I can say I tried to address one of her complaints, (that I'm too controlling with the finances) and that's about it. Again she demanded bank statements to prove that I'm not hiding money. There's just no working with that.
We are going to our third MC session this afternoon. I expect it to be our last. (We committed to 3.) I expect this is the session in which she tells me that our M is done (again). I still doubt she will talk D, though. That's not a ball she wants to start rolling. I don't know that there's anything I want to say at MC today.
In a week and a half, she and the kids are going to MIL/SIL in relative isolation for a couple of weeks. I wish she would unplug, clear her head and think things through, but I expect that she will spend the time convincing her M and S that she is right to have scuttled the M over the last 8 months. Would be nice if MIL would throw her phone in the river and lock her in her room. Her M and I are close, and although she hates what W is doing to me and the kids, I know she'll say her piece to W, then back out of the situation.
Then I go away with kids (if they want to come) for a couple of weeks. Could be 4 weeks of us being apart. I have no expectations.
The posse seems to have done a pretty good job here. I can't even think of one of her complaints that makes any sense anymore, given the things I have changed and offered up.
I talked to my other L this week. To minimize the financial impact, I have to give this up to 3 more months before I file, but I also want to have any D wrapped up by the end of 2015. Unless W files first, I have to play nice for a couple of months.
That is ok with me, since I really don't want to D. (Surprising maybe, but I still believe that she cannot sustain this forever without having a complete breakdown. I still think my W is in there.) I'd like her to do the work if D is what she wants. On the other hand 2015 is just around the corner if this is inevitable. So, I can give this 3 months. She really isn't holding me back from future planning yet. Funny how I don't want a D, and yet I'm already trying to minimize the financial impact. That too is telling me something.
There's a concern that rich OM3 will bankroll W's L for D. I don't see it, since I think he's another one who will stay in perpetual separation and screw around rather than split his money in a D. But hey, if he pays, I don't. I'm certainly not going to base any decisions on it.
I surely don't have much respect for my W right now. She's out late every other night, just assumes I will take the kids. Kids wonder why she is always out. D13 texts me from parking lot of tanning salon "Why is mom spending money on tanning if she doesn't have any money?" The kid gets it. Too bad W is so f'd up. And she still bothers to come up with the most preposterous explanations.
I know that W is still very troubled by all of this. She knows she is not in a healthy place. She does not want to do this to the children, but she still can't get herself to a place where she tries to work with me. For me, there is more contempt than ever. I am quite sure that it is going to take me filing for anything to change, and constantly having to manage around her is getting old.
The kids and I are getting a lot of time together though, and I'm enjoying it. Gives me a taste of single dad.
