What an amazing post! For a "newbie", you sure get it. I couldn't have said it better.
Grey, just to drive that point, it's most often the HOW and not the WHAT. The hidden agenda can be perceived as, "If Grey gets what he wants, then it means I don't get what I want. And with him, there is no middle ground."
What Goat Girl is really telling you to do is drop the rope. Once you do that in earnest, the focus isn't on the tension between you and often it can be the impetus for turning things around.
I can tell you from hard experience, that my XH told me that my body and facial expressions told him exactly what I was about, and he instinctively knew that I would seize on any opportunity to press my agenda that I could - so he just avoided me and any manner of talking to me he could. In fact, he would go out of his way to say really awful things just to ensure that I'd leave him alone.
Good luck- Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
