Sex was great, then we married?

[GoatGal]

Grey,

I hear you. I do.

Let me just say that even though you're not "talking about it" I'll bet you are projecting it silently, unconsciously, BIG TIME.

That's not because you're a bad guy. It sounds to me like you're trying to do everything you can to make this right, because you know it's a deal breaker for you, and you love your wife.

However, if you have an "agenda", which you do, and that is your right...don't be surprised if that agenda spills over into everything, even though you try to keep on the down low.

I say this because DBing is like that.

We LBS have to work really hard to leave our agendas behind so our WAS don't feel pressured.
We are hurting, feeling rejected, a lot like you are.
But trust me--they can FEEL IT.
She knows you. It's coming across loud and clear on some level. Don't doubt it.

It's not enough to just "not talk about the R", there is a whole lot more that goes along with that.

That's why I say:
Release your agenda.
Really let it go.
Really focus on HER NEEDS, BUT WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS
It's DBing all the way.

No, it's not easy to do. I struggle with it every day.

But the first part is to stop talking and thinking about you and how you feel and what you want, and think about what she wants and needs, and how you can give that to her.

The next time you catch yourself thinking:
"If I did X, would she ML with me?"
"Will we ever ML like we used to?"

Stop and think:
"I'm thinking of MYSELF now and what I want. What I really need to ask is :What does my wife need from me right now?"

It's a start.


----GG


-----And..... I'm out of ammo...........